[s0litude]

I learned this morning that a childhood friend had passed away. Been crying, I admit, most of the day. I'm often the one holding, comforting others. I used to being told it's unmanly to show grief, tears, emotion. I do despite this because to lose my sensitive side is to lose a vital part of who I am. I'm a switch, but I naturally am a protector. I'll be the first to step up even if my feet are shaky because I'm needed.

But right now, I don't feel so strong. And unfortunately, experience has taught me that many women cannot handle their fella (FTM, Butch, Masculine of center SO) admitting that.

Right now, I need the sweet, sure arms of someone I love and who loves me wrapped around me, my face in HER neck, her lips on MY forehead for a change. I need to feel safe and loved and valued. I need to be reminded that it's okay for it to hurt this bad and that it doesn't change who I am. I need the love and comfort of a woman who understands that I can't always be strong, that my tender side is just as precious and valuable. Like in Chess, sometimes, often, the King needs to be protected by his Queen.