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Random · 05-26-2010, 11:29 AM

My heart...

I was thinking how by loving people we change.. for better and for worst..

When I was young, I was teased about my pollyanna view on the world.. My rose colored glasses were perment...

It was because I had never been tested... My heart had never really been broken, I had never experenced any real loss.. I had never really loved deeply..

The first time I loved deeply and lost... I had no idea what to do with the pain.. It happened so fast.. Simply, one day my world ended..I tried everything I knew to lessen the pain.. To be able to breath again..To the point of almost re-addicting to ANYTHING that might make it go away...

I survived.. but changed.. that first bit of scar tissue on my heart...

The second time I loved deeply and lost... It was a slow process that I could see happening, but couldn't change anything... It broke my heart.. That this shiny bright thing couldn't work...

I survived... but changed... more scar tissue...

The third time I loved deeply and lost... It was out of my control... One min it was there and then it was gone... My second worst fear come true... I thought I might go insane from the pain of it.. The world shifted again...

I survived... but changed.... more scar tissue...

Changed... that is the thing... You love someone enough to let them in.. That act in itself changes you... Makes you more than you were... It makes the risk of pain worth it... The learning, the lessons, the growth..

I learned so much about myself.. so many life lessons... so much about who I am..

Despite my worn, torn, patchwork heart... I still love.. I still am capable of giving love and receiving it..

I think.. It's different than when I was young and fresh... There are no stars in my eyes...While I still might swoon over words, over romantic gestures, my love is now rooted in reality.. in fact and deed... I now give my love based on respect and trust and friendship... Not because of a hand written book signed with a bloody thumb print.. Not because of words whispered in my ear...

It's funny... I used to say that my partner was home, my safe haven from the world.. Now.. I have created a home within myself.. and in doing so, have become someone else's home.. someone else's safe haven from the world..
I like that I can offer someone what once was offered to me... I'm just going to do a better job of making sure it's true...

05-26-2010, 11:29 AM	#2685
Random Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: back in the land of trees and snow Posts: 2,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,017 Thanked 5,327 Times in 1,378 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	My heart... I was thinking how by loving people we change.. for better and for worst.. When I was young, I was teased about my pollyanna view on the world.. My rose colored glasses were perment... It was because I had never been tested... My heart had never really been broken, I had never experenced any real loss.. I had never really loved deeply.. The first time I loved deeply and lost... I had no idea what to do with the pain.. It happened so fast.. Simply, one day my world ended..I tried everything I knew to lessen the pain.. To be able to breath again..To the point of almost re-addicting to ANYTHING that might make it go away... I survived.. but changed.. that first bit of scar tissue on my heart... The second time I loved deeply and lost... It was a slow process that I could see happening, but couldn't change anything... It broke my heart.. That this shiny bright thing couldn't work... I survived... but changed... more scar tissue... The third time I loved deeply and lost... It was out of my control... One min it was there and then it was gone... My second worst fear come true... I thought I might go insane from the pain of it.. The world shifted again... I survived... but changed.... more scar tissue... Changed... that is the thing... You love someone enough to let them in.. That act in itself changes you... Makes you more than you were... It makes the risk of pain worth it... The learning, the lessons, the growth.. I learned so much about myself.. so many life lessons... so much about who I am.. Despite my worn, torn, patchwork heart... I still love.. I still am capable of giving love and receiving it.. I think.. It's different than when I was young and fresh... There are no stars in my eyes...While I still might swoon over words, over romantic gestures, my love is now rooted in reality.. in fact and deed... I now give my love based on respect and trust and friendship... Not because of a hand written book signed with a bloody thumb print.. Not because of words whispered in my ear... It's funny... I used to say that my partner was home, my safe haven from the world.. Now.. I have created a home within myself.. and in doing so, have become someone else's home.. someone else's safe haven from the world.. I like that I can offer someone what once was offered to me... I'm just going to do a better job of making sure it's true... __________________ ~Volunteer~ "It gets in your blood"