Butch Femme Planet - View Single Post - Gender Wars

Random · 05-27-2010, 03:32 PM

* As a Femme of whatever ID, do you feel animosity towards (entire groups) of Butch or Trans IDs?

Sometimes. Sometimes it seems as if I (I want to say we, but I can't talk for anyone else)have to walk on eggshells when it comes to butch/trans ID... as if it is so fragile, as if the outside world has been so hard that they have to be coddled, put first, their wants and needs come before anyone else...
Sometimes it feels like there is no right way... If you go from a female/woman default, then you have the male id'd screaming that they exist as well.. If you add male or woman, then you have people who feel butch is a gender up in arms because they are just butch and don't feel they are being respresented..
Sometimes.. to me.. for me.. it feels like I am in the middle of a group of children all screaming for attention, for me to tell them they are special and they are seen...

Sometimes I just close out the window and go away... Because in life I have to deal with guys coming before me... At the job, at the store, hell in line at freaking mcd's... They are busy, they have important stuff to do, they need to have their needs met first... Because sometimes it feel like that here too.. Male is all inportant and we need to move over and make room for them where ever they want that room to be..

So sometimes I feel that way... other times I don't...

* Do you see yourself or ID as being at "war" with another Femme ID or complicit in a "war" between Butch or Trans IDs?

No... I personaly think that in every gender/race/religion there are broad spectums of every personality trait... I don't believe one is better than the other, that one is special... It simply is what you are.. you can't make one the standard.. (This one was hard for me.. It took a lot of undoing to stop seeing myself as less than because I was told I wasn't as femme as I should be.. But I am.. I am the only kind of femme I can be.. just as you are the only kind of femme you can be..)

* Do you see any group of masculine ID's having an agenda to attack another group?
For me? No.. I don't think there is any agenda.. Sometimes I think it's leak over from the world.. In the world, a mans place is any place that he says it is.. Sometimes I think this mind set colors the way that conversations develope..

* As a Femme, do you see a "war" between Femmes of different IDs? Why or why not?

I don't.. Maybe I don't see it, but I've never felt that from another femme.. All my femmie insecurities came from butches telling me I was less than because I wasn't this or that...

* Do you think that Femmes contribute in any way to the gender or identity formation of Butches or Transmen? How about contributing to the gender formation of Butches of Transmen who Femmes date?

No.. I don't think I have that power.. But most of the butches/Tguys that I know have done lots of work on who they are and are pretty secure in them selves before we even meet..

* Do you, as a Femme, have a feminine or masculine identity?
I have a feminine identity.. I don't know what it would feel like to have a masculine identity

* Do you even feel like there is a "Gender War"? Is that an external manifestation of the internal? Do you feel that it is a construct of the larger sexist and misogynist society at work here?

Yes, I do... My partner and I were talking about this last night.. That society conditions women to put the wants and needs of men first.. (we were talking history) and how that translates to butch/femme... I was talking about how when women introduce themseves, they Id who their husband is and how long they have been married, how many children they have, and last they talk about them selves... I brought up the point that when femmes have a thread for themselves, they talk about their partners, or butches...
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05-27-2010, 03:32 PM	#6
Random Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: back in the land of trees and snow Posts: 2,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,017 Thanked 5,326 Times in 1,378 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	* As a Femme of whatever ID, do you feel animosity towards (entire groups) of Butch or Trans IDs? Sometimes. Sometimes it seems as if I (I want to say we, but I can't talk for anyone else)have to walk on eggshells when it comes to butch/trans ID... as if it is so fragile, as if the outside world has been so hard that they have to be coddled, put first, their wants and needs come before anyone else... Sometimes it feels like there is no right way... If you go from a female/woman default, then you have the male id'd screaming that they exist as well.. If you add male or woman, then you have people who feel butch is a gender up in arms because they are just butch and don't feel they are being respresented.. Sometimes.. to me.. for me.. it feels like I am in the middle of a group of children all screaming for attention, for me to tell them they are special and they are seen... Sometimes I just close out the window and go away... Because in life I have to deal with guys coming before me... At the job, at the store, hell in line at freaking mcd's... They are busy, they have important stuff to do, they need to have their needs met first... Because sometimes it feel like that here too.. Male is all inportant and we need to move over and make room for them where ever they want that room to be.. So sometimes I feel that way... other times I don't... * Do you see yourself or ID as being at "war" with another Femme ID or complicit in a "war" between Butch or Trans IDs? No... I personaly think that in every gender/race/religion there are broad spectums of every personality trait... I don't believe one is better than the other, that one is special... It simply is what you are.. you can't make one the standard.. (This one was hard for me.. It took a lot of undoing to stop seeing myself as less than because I was told I wasn't as femme as I should be.. But I am.. I am the only kind of femme I can be.. just as you are the only kind of femme you can be..) * Do you see any group of masculine ID's having an agenda to attack another group? For me? No.. I don't think there is any agenda.. Sometimes I think it's leak over from the world.. In the world, a mans place is any place that he says it is.. Sometimes I think this mind set colors the way that conversations develope.. * As a Femme, do you see a "war" between Femmes of different IDs? Why or why not? I don't.. Maybe I don't see it, but I've never felt that from another femme.. All my femmie insecurities came from butches telling me I was less than because I wasn't this or that... * Do you think that Femmes contribute in any way to the gender or identity formation of Butches or Transmen? How about contributing to the gender formation of Butches of Transmen who Femmes date? No.. I don't think I have that power.. But most of the butches/Tguys that I know have done lots of work on who they are and are pretty secure in them selves before we even meet.. * Do you, as a Femme, have a feminine or masculine identity? I have a feminine identity.. I don't know what it would feel like to have a masculine identity * Do you even feel like there is a "Gender War"? Is that an external manifestation of the internal? Do you feel that it is a construct of the larger sexist and misogynist society at work here? Yes, I do... My partner and I were talking about this last night.. That society conditions women to put the wants and needs of men first.. (we were talking history) and how that translates to butch/femme... I was talking about how when women introduce themseves, they Id who their husband is and how long they have been married, how many children they have, and last they talk about them selves... I brought up the point that when femmes have a thread for themselves, they talk about their partners, or butches... QUOTE] __________________ ~Volunteer~ "It gets in your blood"