[Medusa]

* As a Femme of whatever ID, do you feel animosity towards (entire groups) of Butch or Trans IDs?

No, but I have.
(insert gasps of horror from the peanut gallery here)
I have learned, perhaps through age or gaining more wisdom, that it's foolishly ignorant to lump entire groups of people together as if one speaks for all and vice versa.
In the way that racism, sexism, sizeism, homophobia, etc. work by ignorance, fear, or outright prejudices taking root where critical thought should reside, I have to raise my hand high here and plead a big, fat "Guilty". I'd be lying my ass off if I said that I hadn't made the comment, "I am so sick of logging into the Dash site and seeing that every single thread on the front page is about Trans issues, WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE BUTCHES AND FEMMMMMEEESSSSSS???" (and insert some dramatic chest pounding here please because I do so love the hystrionics). I'd be lying if I said that I didn't at that time translate that to an erasure of my own Butch/Femme culture and I'd be lying if I said that I didn't think that "Trans people were taking over."
I said those things. I thought those things. It's the truth.
In excavating the "Why" behind all of that, I found a lot of fear and triggery stuff in my own personal orbit. The fear of being erased, the fear of being marginalized, the fear of having a binary that I didn't want in my orbit shoved front and center into the very orbit I was trying to "protect".
I was reacting to the fear by feeling "attacked". The fact of the matter was that the abundance of Trans threads on the front page of a website did not "erase" me as a Femme. One did not negate the other.
At the time, not seeing threads that related directly to me or the Butch people that I choose to partner with felt as if my world was getting smaller and smaller. Why? I had to ask myself-- WAS my world getting smaller and smaller? WAS I being erased? WAS I being homogenized without my consent?
Looking back on that thought process now, I see where I was basing the existence of mySELF on how other people exist. (Trans people in that example). The value of mySELF on the value of other people. The validity of my way of being and identity on how many visual cues I had on the front page of a website. Fear. Ignorance. Transphobia.
The "but what about MEEEEEEE?" is as loud in my head when *I* feel it as it is on the screen when I see other people doing it.

Now, the above feelings didnt happen in a vacuum for me. We DO live in a very fucked up world where women are seen as less than and devalued and disrespected on a daily fucking basis. So guess what? I personalized the political. Because it IS personal. Except when it isnt.
I accept that I have to claim MY space in this world without infringing on, negating, or disrespecting someone else's space, otherwise I'm no better than the greater social construct that disrespects me.
That whole "becoming part of the problem" thing when I act out on the micro-cause, hoping to affect the macro.


* Do you see yourself or ID as being at "war" with another Femme ID or complicit in a "war" between Butch or Trans IDs?

I don't see my gender ID or personal self feeling at war with other Femme ID's. I would boil it down to a matter of security with my identity and an acceptance that someone else's way of Femme doesn't really have squat to do with mine.
I will use Leah Lakshmi Piepzna Samarasinha's whole "Femme Shark" identity as my case in point. Leah has quite a following with her Femme Shark identity and a lot of other amazing, powerful Femmes who identify as Femme Sharks. I do not identify as a Femme Shark, nor do I feel threatened by the presence of Femme Sharks, nor do I feel the need to investigate/parse/tease out/question/infiltrate/dismiss/invalidate anyone who chooses to identify as a Femme Shark.

As far as being complicit in a war between Butch or Trans IDs, I don't want to be held responsible for the way someone else identifies but I fully recognize that we all impact each other whether we want to or not.
I think that there have been times when "The Universal Femme" has been held responsible for "good Butches transitioning because they have been pushed toward maleness". Or other times when "The Universal Femme" (per example in another thread) is responsible for the pronoun default to "he" for all Butches.
This, quite frankly, pisses me off. It's scapegoating to hold an entire group of people, some of whom who may have never EVER defaulted to "he" for any Butch, responsible for Butch people feeling marginalized. I believe that shit should be called it as it happens, when it happens, and to the person who does it and not left to fester and boil over like a shitty stew until "The Universal Femme" is now to blame for the entire fuckery.
I also believe that if we are talking specifically about this website or the dash site that "whoever" (my Gotdayum hat is OFF so yes, Im going there) is in charge has a fucking RESPONSIBILITY to make sure that things like someone saying that "Femmes like to be handled by Transmen because they are stronger than Butches" is checked hard, swiftly, and responsibly. Because THAT shit? Left unchecked? IS DAMAGING. Not only to the Butch that it erases, invalidates, and disrespects, but also to the Femme that it erases, invalidates, and disrespects, but also to the other Transmen that it erases, invalidates, and disrespects, AND to the community at large that it disrespects.



* Do you see any group of masculine ID's having an agenda to attack another group?

An agenda? No.
What I *do* see happening is a LOT of personalization and reflecting back to the self even when someone else is looking at their own reflection in the community mirror. I see people *feeling* attacked and reacting to it in ways that are sometimes healthy and sometimes not healthy. I see lines being drawn, fences being built, flags being staked, surveys being done, voices being drowned out, etc.
I see exchanges being made-- "Im going to have to have some of your space so I can have my own" without those words being said out loud.
I see something shitty going on around only being able to honor something if something else is dishonored.


* As a Femme, do you see a "war" between Femmes of different IDs? Why or why not?

No. I never have actually. I have certainly felt the ridiculous trappings of "Well, Im a better Femme than you because I don't even OWN a pair of flats!" but I usually read that as insecurity or ignorance.
If the person saying it is at all intelligent, it pisses me of for them to stoop down to that "IM A DIAMOND PLATINUM FORMICA CRYSTAL FEMME AND YOUUUUUUUU ARE NOT!" (implied Nanny Nanny Boo Boo here) because it feels a little simple and well, I expect better than that from smart people.
I actually see Femmes doing a better job of managing ourselves around respecting each other's way of being Femme. Im sure Im going to catch some shit for that statement but it's how I feel. I recognize that Femmes often do not have the same gender filters that Butches and Transmen have because I think most Femmes do identify as female or woman but I've seen Femmes talk openly about feeling like a boi inside or feeling masculine and I don't recall seeing other Femmes go into the conversation with anything about how the Femme who id'd as a boi was invalidating/marginalizing/disrespecting the Femme who didnt.


* Do you think that Femmes contribute in any way to the gender or identity formation of Butches or Transmen? How about contributing to the gender formation of Butches of Transmen who Femmes date?


As a whole, no, I don't think that Femmes have the power to influence the identity formation of Butches or Transmen. On a micro level? On an individual level? HELL. YES.
I've seen it, I've heard it, I've felt it. It's my truth.
I'll have to go back to my irritation about someone being comfortable and secure with themselves here. People , to me, are responsible for *themselves* and thus, must take responsibility for their own identity and gender formation regardless of who they are dating. If the person (of any gender) is secure/informed/comfortable with themselves, there is NOTHING that I or "The Universal Femme" should be able to say or do to make that person change how they are existing. If *they* change how they are existing to fit someone else's idea of existing, THEY are responsible for that.


* Do you, as a Femme, have a feminine or masculine identity?

I have both and embrace them both. Both my feminine self and masculine self (which I identify as Dyke) are equally valuable, authentic, and valid. So are yours, whoever you are.


* Do you even feel like there is a "Gender War"? Is that an external manifestation of the internal? Do you feel that it is a construct of the larger sexist and misogynist society at work here?


I don't know if I would go so far as to call it a Gender War but I definitely see something happening. Fencing, dividing, borders, etc. I am reading animosity from some women and female identified Butches around their treatment on not only this website but other websites and the world at large. I am reading animosity from people who are tired of going round and round about this issue. I am reading animosity from people who wish we would look at being at war or the oil spill in the Gulf as more important than the naval-gazing and self-identifying.

I am *feeling* irritated with the circular jerking off of our collective gender organs where the fucking money shot never gets cleaned up. Instead we are all stepping in and around each other's goo and I am just weary with the whole "never getting anywhere" part of it.

I DO think that the world is chock full of sexism and misogyny and that yes, we MUST work to dismantle it, but NOT by using the tool of misandry to do it and NOT at the expense of male or masculine identified people.
We cannot "fix" sexism by singing "I am Woman" at the top of our lungs in our cubicles at work (believe me, I tried). All that does is make us look like "militant feminists who really arent interested in anything but our own agendas". We cannot force people to examine their internal misogyny by using anger or waggling our fingers in their faces. We can BE angry. We can BE pissed off. We can BE sick of it. We can BE thinking that they are a mouth-breathing idiot, but I have found that people have to do their own work and be WILLING to do their own work.
The willingness? We cant do shit about that. Some people are just fine being ignorant dipshits.


I have a LOT more to say here but I need a Diet Coke (smirk at Linus) BBIAB.