[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by Medusa

Goddess, is it ever.

It took a while for me to acknowledge that I was bulimic. Acknowledging that I was a binge-eater was super easy; it felt powerful to me. But saying out loud "I might be bulimic" was not something I could do for a very long time.

I had always thought of bulimia as a strict definition of "people who throw up" and I was not a person who threw up but my therapist helped me understand that purging the calories through excessive exercise was also bulimic. So there I was, exercising 3 - 5 hours a day so I could justify eating a cheeseburger and losing a LOT of weight in a short time when I had the lightbulb moment of "Oh, maybe this isn't the best course of action."

So now it's about balance. I do walk a little extra when I eat a large meal and try to counterbalance the times I am going to eat outside of my plan with extra activity or a lighter dinner but I don't obsess over it much. I don't set my treadmill for 750 calories and run until it zeroes out like I used to. I don't march in place until my legs are numb much anymore.
Don't get me wrong, there are days when I do the math in my head and think "I'm going to need to hit the elliptical for 2.5 hours if I eat this steak". Sometimes I win that mental battle and sometimes I don't.

I've maintained most of my 150+ pound weight loss for over 3 years now and I'm really proud of that but really, I am even more proud of learning to control my bulimic tendencies and maintain my weight how I imagine a "normal" person would.

Small victories, eh?

Balance. thats the key. i am struggling to find it. i am all or nothing.

My pattern has always been to binge on a carb complete diet, gain about 20 pounds then have fun punishing myself to lose it. Thats the old days.

i've avoided this thread because its just a crappy week. So to make myself feel better i resort to old habits. Or want to.

anyway thats some of my *stuff*....

i want to get to a healthy place mentally when it comes to food, but right now i am not there.