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JustLovelyJenn · 11-24-2009, 11:58 PM

ok... So, I am going to do something a little unusual for me. In the past I have avoided these threads and discussion of such issues... That's not really working for me... So I am going to try something different, actually talking. People I am close to get this information, but the world at large has no idea...

To start with, I am too proud, and too stubborn to easily admit I need help with anything, and in my family there is such a terrible stigma around mental health that THIS is the worst to admit to...

As a youth , after the unexpected death of my younger sister, I did ask my parents for help, express concerns about how my head worked, and state that I didn't feel the same or right. The response was always the same. "There's nothing wrong with you", I was told, "Its all in your head, buck up and pull it together." Then there were the more extreme responses. "Your being ridiculous, a slacker, you just don't want to deal with things." " At this rate you will never get anywhere in life, when are you gonna learn to get a handle on things?" This attitude in my home lead me to the mistaken belief that these problems were things that happened to other people, not me. I have always had sympathy and tolerance for others, but none for myself... which, by the way, can make things so much worse.

I am still to this day trying to convince myself to trust a doctor enough to more formally address my concerns. But, I have a passion for learning and as I got older and truly had trouble doing the things I needed to do, I started to educate myself and handle my issues as best I could in the shadows... I have a likely (although not official) history of sever depression, post traumatic stress syndrome, OCD, self abuse, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety.

There are examples and reasons for each concern... but its not the easiest thing for me to talk about. I have no idea what, if anything, I will choose to post here... As a matter of fact, if I press the button to actually post THIS post... I will be shocked and amazed... But, I am here non the less, in yet another attempt to grow and survive.

11-24-2009, 11:58 PM	#28
JustLovelyJenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: That's Need to Know Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Aberdeen, WA Posts: 4,478 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 12,464 Thanked 13,993 Times in 3,685 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	ok... So, I am going to do something a little unusual for me. In the past I have avoided these threads and discussion of such issues... That's not really working for me... So I am going to try something different, actually talking. People I am close to get this information, but the world at large has no idea... To start with, I am too proud, and too stubborn to easily admit I need help with anything, and in my family there is such a terrible stigma around mental health that THIS is the worst to admit to... As a youth , after the unexpected death of my younger sister, I did ask my parents for help, express concerns about how my head worked, and state that I didn't feel the same or right. The response was always the same. "There's nothing wrong with you", I was told, "Its all in your head, buck up and pull it together." Then there were the more extreme responses. "Your being ridiculous, a slacker, you just don't want to deal with things." " At this rate you will never get anywhere in life, when are you gonna learn to get a handle on things?" This attitude in my home lead me to the mistaken belief that these problems were things that happened to other people, not me. I have always had sympathy and tolerance for others, but none for myself... which, by the way, can make things so much worse. I am still to this day trying to convince myself to trust a doctor enough to more formally address my concerns. But, I have a passion for learning and as I got older and truly had trouble doing the things I needed to do, I started to educate myself and handle my issues as best I could in the shadows... I have a likely (although not official) history of sever depression, post traumatic stress syndrome, OCD, self abuse, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety. There are examples and reasons for each concern... but its not the easiest thing for me to talk about. I have no idea what, if anything, I will choose to post here... As a matter of fact, if I press the button to actually post THIS post... I will be shocked and amazed... But, I am here non the less, in yet another attempt to grow and survive. __________________ --Jenn