Today is my mom's graduation day. Meaning she is currently having her last chemotherapy session in the series. Then she will have to have a CT scan to see if the cancer is gone.
Yesterday, we went to see her urologist because she has been having pain that radiates around her abdomen to her back on the left and right side. More painful on the left than the right. She is also experiencing pain in her lower abdomen. He said from her last CT scan in October when they found the cancer again that her kidneys looked good, the flow looked good and her kidney function was good. She will have a renal scan to double check. It's hard to say what the cause of this pain is.
I am happy for my mother. This will be the second time she beat cancer (hopefully) and I hope she doesn't have to face it again. We will have to deal with the other health issues that have arisen from the cancer and chemo. Chemo is a bitch.
I feel bad about this but it's hard living with my mother. She is not a nice person. She wasn't before her cancer and she isn't now. She's mean and says mean things. A few weeks ago she said some mean things to me and I got upset. I didn't say anything but I did try to spend time away from her. Then she was sick from her chemo and a UTI and I felt bad. It is such a conflict for me at times. I feel sorry for her and then feel bad that I don't always like her.
I do admire and respect her for the strength and determination she has shown through both battles with cancer. She is a trooper for sure. I don't believe I could have handled it as well as she has. I do love my mother and I want her to be well. I just don't always like her much and that makes me feel sad and conflicted.
Excuse my ramblings. It's a happy day. There's just a lot of thoughts rolling around in my head and I don't know where else to put them.
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