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Gráinne · 12-11-2019, 09:34 PM

I made a decision that henceforth, I will not:

1. Give advice, unless asked. No advising about work/school/someone else's relationship/no nothing. Day 1: no one asked my advice.

2. Remind another adult about their business. That means nothing along the lines of "Did you cash your check?"/"Did you call (whoever) back?"/"Did you make the reservations?". Day 1: I thought I would turn purple from holding back my reminding, but I made it, I think, pretty well. I need to trust that adults don't need my "Mommying". I've been fired from that job, remember?

3. Butt in and control someone else. For example, I went to David's Burgers with a friend for lunch yesterday (right after my counseling appointment in which we discussed my controlling!). You get a little tag with a number on it to put into a holder on your table so the server can bring your order. Out of habit, I said "Put the tag in the holder". Mommy alert!

I'm going to have to trust that another adult has been around those little tags and knows what to do, without my input.

I feel like I've barely said two words all day, because I was monitoring what I was about to say for any reminding, controlling, or advising. But I feel a weight of "hyperalertness" dropping off that I carried around, watching for any situation I had to control and make sure everything was going my way and everyone was doing things my way, with no surprises (the reasons for that I suspect are very deep and painful to root out, but good work nevertheless).

Which, of course, frees up a great deal of energy to work on the only thing I ultimately control-myself and my life. I got to put off dealing with myself when I muscled in on everyone else's lives.

Sorry I wrote an essay

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12-11-2019, 09:34 PM	#296
Gráinne Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Neither, nada, out of the box Preferred Pronoun?: My name always works Relationship Status: Happy whatever happens Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Little Rock Posts: 1,864 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,117 Thanked 7,388 Times in 1,457 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I made a decision that henceforth, I will *not*: 1. Give advice, unless asked. No advising about work/school/someone else's relationship/no nothing. Day 1: no one asked my advice. 2. Remind another adult about their business. That means nothing along the lines of "Did you cash your check?"/"Did you call (whoever) back?"/"Did you make the reservations?". Day 1: I thought I would turn purple from holding back my reminding, but I made it, I think, pretty well. I need to trust that adults don't need my "Mommying". I've been fired from that job, remember? 3. Butt in and control someone else. For example, I went to David's Burgers with a friend for lunch yesterday (right after my counseling appointment in which we discussed my controlling!). You get a little tag with a number on it to put into a holder on your table so the server can bring your order. Out of habit, I said "Put the tag in the holder". Mommy alert! I'm going to have to trust that another adult has been around those little tags and knows what to do, without my input. I feel like I've barely said two words all day, because I was monitoring what I was about to say for any reminding, controlling, or advising. But I feel a weight of "hyperalertness" dropping off that I carried around, watching for any situation I had to control and make sure everything was going my way and everyone was doing things my way, with no surprises (the reasons for that I suspect are very deep and painful to root out, but good work nevertheless). Which, of course, frees up a great deal of energy to work on the only thing I ultimately control-myself and my life. I got to put off dealing with myself when I muscled in on everyone else's lives. Sorry I wrote an essay . __________________ The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck