[Darth Denkay]

Hey Kosmo,

You mention that this would make for an interesting social study - there's at least one such study out there that addressing this topic.

The reference is

Smith, C. S., & Stillman, S. (2002). Butch/Femme in the personal advertisements of lesbians. Journal of Lesbian Studies, 6, 45-51.

Here's a summary of the results:

• 75% of the ads did not self-identify as femme or butch
• 14% self-identified as femme and 11% as butch
• 66% did not mention femme or butch in terms of who they sought
• In the ads that specified seeking femme or butch, 26% sought femme and 5% butch, with a few explicitly indicating "no butches"
• Those who self-identified as femme sought femme partners 56% versus butch partners 18% (the remaining 26% did not specify)
• 10% of those who did not identify as butch or femme specified wanting a femme partner; none specified wanting a butch partner
• Of those who self-identified as butch requested femme partners 74% and butch partners 7%

Like you, when I used to read personal ads in gay/lesbian papers I always ended up pissed off. Rarely did anyone specify looking for a butch, and it seemed like many folks specifically stated no butches. At this point I didn't have a butch-femme community so basically figured there was no one out there who wanted a butch. When I became involved in my first online-community and found folks who actually wanted folks like me - well, I can't really even describe the relief I felt.

-Wicket

Originally Posted by Kosmo

Your take on 'butch' brought back some memories. In the early 90's I didn't have a personal computer so I would grab the local gay newspaper and browse the personals. I could count on one hand how many times I saw femme looking for butch (usually one or two and usually seeking soft butch). Never was sure what that meant. Anyway, it was usually: femme seeking femme or specific in 'no butches please', so I knew we were out there. So what was wrong with us?

I always came away feeling less than after reading those personals. I just didn't think I would find anyone that was my compliment. Then one time I saw one, femme seeks butch. I found her! The only femme seeking butch in the world! lol. Then I thought, great, there's gonna be at least 100 butches practicing their best introduction message (yep, I was one of them, *chuckles*). Seems like a lifetime ago.

Just for curiosity sake, I went online to the same newspaper and into their personals section. Wasn't much there; only 7 (more online communities now).

None looking for butch, but 3 were butch: 2 soft butch and 1 'more tomboy' than butch. 2 of them were seeking femme. I wonder how it is in different parts of the country. I'll have to take a look at some of those online services to see how the descriptives are used.

It makes for an interesting social study