How can we be a better one?
I've noticed over the years folks repeatedly announcing/acting on their allyship to one particular *group or another, that's great... but what of being an ally to the community?
Such an obvious viewpoint, maybe too close to really appreciate, like you have to step back and see the whole canvas.
For one example I notice sometimes that gets lost when being an ally to one group translates outwardly for some as needing to rush in and "stick up" for only that group, to defend/vanguard/protect or what-not only that group. To me that [I]sometimes[I/] just reads as pre-packed personalized defensiveness more than being in any way beneficial to that group and or community cohesiveness.
Yes, it becomes personal. I have felt that way when I read some things. Akin to sibling rivalry? To garner the most positive attentions or to show how one group feels or is treated more like the red-headed stepchild? Sometimes it's like each group is trying to tell the other how they feel and there's all this cross-talk with no one really listening.
In that it can actually be damaging to the "defended" groups stance and perpetuates even
more of an us-them atmosphere. Even just in anyones who's been here for an hour and a day can tell who's going to "side" with who even if the subject was what's your favorite sandwich. The us/them stuff has an effect on the entire community, not just the us and thems.
Yep. Even if I don't post, I find myself reading and siding with one group, then I read something else and if I allow myself to really think about it, I see the other groups point. It's not really that hard to say... I see your point. I understand and leave it at that.
I've seen blind "pile ons" exacerbate the situations, muddy waters and raise the bar. I'd think if it were more were given the credit that they could stand up for themselves and "offenders" were allowed to explain rather than spend the time defending themselves against the persons spouse, best friend, cousin, realtor and dog before giving up it would have a better chance of de-escalating into understanding or at least education. Just for clarity I see this happen to butches, femmes, trans persons etc. etc etc.
I am most frustrated with the 'having to think a certain way' mentality. As in, if I don't then something's wrong with my thinking process or I'm just not getting it and we'll pound it into you until you do get it. Um, that doesn't work for me. See below.
Of course this isn't true for all situations, and this doesn't mean not speaking if you're involved or have something pertinent to the conversation at hand, I'm talking about the pack or mob mentality or blind defense etc. It just occurs to me that [I]we are a community over all[I/] and being a
community ally would be what benefits all of us including your home group, spouse, cousin and dog.
Pack or mob mentality. I saw this very early on when I started coming here and just reading. I posted some here and there. Was corrected a few times and since then I am very hesitant to give my opinions because I lack the variety of the real world experience within our community. But I'm not an idiot. I can logically think things through. That doesn't mean that I have to come to the same conclusion as you or your friends.
Can we be an ally to one group and still listen to other groups and be an ally to them also?
Yes. We are a community with great numbers and intelligent, passionate people. We can affect change, but which agenda do we follow first. There are many issues affecting our community out there. Seems like such a waste to continually chew on our own tail.
Is it really being an ally to dismiss and verbally stick it to another group so thoroughly in the name of your home group that hard feelings between the two continue?
Can we counter off color remarks as coming from the "individual" who made them? Address "them", quote "them", without generalizing and throwing that persons entire ID (group) and grandma under the bus as being responsible?
Yes. If a few people from one group have hurt you or done you wrong, well, it's not the whole group. It's like we preach about somethings in life and we do the opposite here. Race relations for example. A bad experience shouldn't leave a permanent bad mark on all the people of that race.
If we supported others as well as ourselves wouldn't they be more apt to be supportive of "us"?
It would seem that you would draw more positive feedback and support with a helping hand than throwing rotten tomatoes.
Generally, what are ways we can stick up for ourselves, our friends and still be an allies to everyone in the community.
I guess I'd start by say I think for one being a community ally means listening to everyone before releasing the pre-canned responses.
Last this threads subject is how we can be better
community allies, and not a place to defend why you defend your "home" group... it's meant to be about bettering the atmosphere for us all. How we can better speak up for (or be allies to) our home groups without stepping on others. It's not personal, don't take it personally, over the years I've seen dozens of people/ or examples of the situations above, including myself.
Well all I can do is hope I've expressed this in the good spirit it is intended, but if not, just know I bite when overly poked or provoked.
*** By "group/s" I'm speaking of any ID be them butch, femme, transpersons, male, female etc. etc. etc.