Justbeme,
I wish I could give you some inner peace. I feel your pain. It brings me tears, as it does you. From what you have written, I sense that you and I are quite a like than different. Have you talked to a therapist about your PTSD and anxiety?
The one thing that has helped me tremendously over time is meditation and prayer. It was a gradual process of learning for me. It is about refocusing my energy onto the good. Let me give you an example. I have a sheet of paper that I write down who is sick, who needs what, who is mad at who, and of course wildlife, my pets, and world events. One day I will meditate and find my center of being and be silent. And all of my energy goes into reflecting on that topic. I use white candles to burn, as well as incense. It is cleansing for me.
Another example, I have found that being a caretaker for my dying sister was a wonderful gift. I was first devistated over her death, and still am to a certain degree. But now I am able to really put her life in a place and go on living. Her 2 sons are a tribute to her mothering. And I see that now. Before I never did. Today her husband and 2 sons and I have a different relationship. We are closer, but more understanding and loving towards each other. Make sense?
Life is like waves coming and crashing on a beach. It never stops. It is constantly there. For some it is relaxing. For others it is devistation. Again it's perception. Everyone has a different take on 1 thing. That is why I think prayer and meditation work wonders for me. I highly recommend it.
I wish you peace.
Andrew
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