Wow, ok, so I have a number of issues with this post, so I'd like to ask some questions and make further comments. I want to feel through this in a pragmatic way if I can. See, without you realizing it, my first thoughts were "i'm feeling judged" when that may not be your intent at all. So, let's work through this?
Quote:
Originally Posted by atomiczombie
I absolutely anticipate that once the T I am on changes my body significantly, I will pass and experience privilege. When I think about it I feel anxiety. I told my therapist that, and she said I should call people on it when they are sexist toward women and homophobic, etc. But I should at least enjoy the privilege a little. After all, most of my life I have been perceived and treated by people as a girl/woman, a lesbian, and a gender oddity. The gender oddity part I experienced as a little kid, not just since I started wearing mens clothing and cut my hair as an adult (although I definitely experience that these days too). So, should I enjoy the privilege? I don't think I will be able to, because it just seems so fucking unfair to me. But maybe I will like it, I just don't know how that will feel when it comes. If I do end up enjoying the different way I am treated, would that make me an asshole? *shakes head*
Why does enjoying privilege automatically have to mean that you'd be an asshole? Think of it this way: is every white person an asshole for having (and enjoying) privilege that POC's do not experience? Is every white male an asshole for walking in this world for having automatic and perceived privilege? If the answer is no, then you may want to be *mindful* of your newly perceived (and improved) privilege while still enjoying it.
On the other hand, I really want to be out as a transguy, for political reasons. I know that gay rights in America would be greatly advanced if every gay man and woman/lesbian came out to their family/friends, etc. When people hide in the closet, they are in some way contributing to the homophobia of our society. There is shame in hiding. At the same time, I understand that there are a lot of people who's well-being and lives would be at stake if they came out, so I don't really judge or fault such people for staying in the closet. Coming out is tough, and no one should be pressured to do so. You have to be ready yourself. But the fact remains, that if more people did come out, that would be a big blow to the homophobic bigots. If people know someone who is gay or lesbian, they are less likely to stay bigoted. Not saying there is a guarantee but the likely hood is significantly reduced. I realize that some of what I am saying is controversial. I know that some people will disagree with me. That's fine.
Well, you are correct, I am in disagreement here's why. I believe that there is a time and place for everything (I swear to God (lol), the most useful passage in the Bible whether I'm a believer or not is Ecclesiastes 3:1-15)
Shame in hiding? Well, it depends on where one is on the spectrum and multifaceted appearance and position in all things 'trans'. Is there "shame" in being (for lack of a better word) 'Stealth'?
I mean, really atomic, am I shaming myself every time I introduce myself as "Hi, I'm Chris" without saying "Hi, I'm Chris, I'm a transguy." ... what does 'coming out' really mean anymore? (that's a rhetorical personal question I ask myself but you an answer if you feel)...
Yes, some trans folk want to walk this world without the "T" identification... It's kinda similar to (picture if you will)... that big ? in a bubble (like in a cartoon) above someone's head when they see you now (or when they saw me prior to 'passing' or before Testosterone).
"Shame" in this context, I feel is a bit of a loaded word. Though I'm not saying you yourself shouldn't feel proud to be out and visible. I am saying, there are some of us that enjoy (there's that word again), the privilege of making it a 'choice' to pass.
But I think it works the same way in some degree with transfolk. It is great to be treated as the gender that you feel you are inside. It is a liberating feeling. Yet, I myself want to be out as a transguy, to confront transphobia head-on. I think that if more of us weren't stealth, it would further our cause for equal rights. Yeah, I said it. We should be out if we want the same rights as cisgendered people. That means giving up privilege. I plan to do that in ways that count the most. With friends, (family already knows) and with anyone who I encounter in the world who is homophobic/transphobic. If I am able to work again, I might or might not out myself during the interview, but once I am settled into a job I won't make it a secret. This is a political choice. I make it on behalf of all my gay/lesbian/trangendered/queer brothers and sisters. Fuck privilege. I am out and proud.
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I feel your passion, and I certainly hope you will continue to navigate your live and your transition around the intersections of privilege that you will experience. But you are touching on some points that are .... not unique to the trans community but certainly are highlighted boldly in trans* interactions with one another. I experience a butt-load of situations back home where a good portion of trans folks want to be visible ("out and proud"), some of us want to be/are/appear straight, some us are decidedly stealth 100% and some of us are not.
I fall in the category of, stealth a lot of time, until I'm not. You can bet a lot of my reasons is tied up around my personal safety, and then there's times where I feel I don't have to/should have to explain myself.... until I do.
Prime example (and here's where I'll show my ass to you)... I laugh at the idea of carrying "transition" papers when I'm travelling. Now, for reference, you should know (and I hope you remember meeting me atomic? it was at a bash in oakland in 2008)... Anyway, assuming you know me, what you may/may not know is: I have "F" on my passport. Due to a complicated mess around id's and nationalities and surgical requirements and so on and so forth, I'll be travelling with "F" on my passport for, a few years more at least. I've travelled to/through approximately 6 different country borders between US/Canada and parts of Europe. I've (naturally) experienced secondary screenings various times entering into the United States (suspected racial profiling).
Not once was my gender questioned, and as such based on my personal opinion/experiences, it seems laughable to me that someone carries a "I'm a TG person, and here's a doctor's diagnosis to prove it" letter in their back pocket. (that's my being at my grossest judgeyness, I'll own that).
My point is: I don't carry a letter to explain myself, because I don't feel I have to. If I'm questioned by customs or border patrol, they will have to ask me directly and I will give them a direct answer. I don't turn green or get scared at the idea of pat downs (like I was in the UK -- btw, those guys are serious about security over there. I was shocked to see police with machine guns at the airport).
Carrying a letter feels.... not too visible per se. maybe a little bit of a "look at me, I'm an attention whore" (again, I'm totally owning my biase/judging on this).
Is it because I'm stealth? Yes and no. I'd like to think that I have the strength/courage/determination to be able to look at someone straight in the face if ever asked and state who/what I am. But, until then, I don't believe in just volunteering my private information.
That to me isn't about shaming but about personal determination without prejudice...
Cheers,