[dixie]

Freak flag flyin' high... (and forgive me, this may be long...)

Most predominant is my laundry list of "mental" illness, with bipolar being at the top of that list. I do have bouts of depression, but luckily, I generally experience a level of hypomania on a day to day basis. For those that don't know, it pretty much means that I am one of the most perky, chipper, energetic folks you will meet. Yeah, I might get sad or angry but because of the mania, it usually disappears within moments. Also, things that anger or hurt others usually just bounces right off me, like that whole "water-off-a-duck's-back" kinda thing. To me, that's a blessing. It means I'm almost always happy, optimistic, and smiling like a darn fool! lol


Anyone who knows me knows I like being unique, so even my illnesses are unique. lol I suffer from a rare form of migraines called hemiplegic migraines. I spent months going in and out of the hospital, and a huge battery of testing had to be done to diagnose this condition. The reason for that is because this form of migraine can be easily misdiagnosed as stroke or epilepsy. It starts out with confusion. My brain doesn't seem to function and I can't form words or sentences. It sounds like I'm babbling. I have prolonged aura at onset, which means I see little sparkly stars and circles as a "warning" that the migraine is going to come. The aura can last anywhere from a few minutes up to a few days before the actual pain ever comes. The aura is so strong, that it overpowers my vision. Next comes the ringing in my ears, which then leads to me going "deaf" for the remainder of the attack. (The ringing goes away, and I am left with just a dull "deadness". I can't hear anything at all.) Next comes the numbness. The entire left side of my body goes numb. Sometimes one limb at a time, sometimes all at once. I'm pretty much temporarily paralyzed on that side. Along with the "paralysis", my tongue and throat swells. I can't speak, can't swallow, and sometimes feels as though I am choking. All of these symptoms are just the "warning signs" before the pain hits. And by gosh, it is some of the worst pain I've ever felt in my life. I lay in the cool darkness with a cold rag on my head, sobbing and rocking, feeling like someone has stuck an axepick in my head. It's horrible! The after-affects aren't good either. Once the pain subsides it takes a while to get my sight and feeling back. I'm usually very weak and end up sleeping for hours. It takes quite a while to be coherent again, and wreaks havoc on my memory. When I was first diagnosed, I was around 19 with a young child. Because these damn things hit so often and so unexpectedly, the doctors would not allow me to drive or even be alone, for over a year. Luckily, as I get older the episodes get fewer. They still do their damage though, and have pretty much eaten away at my memory capacity. I can't really find a blessing in this, although I have tried...lol

Another weird thing...my heart didn't grow when I was a child. Supposedly your heart grows as you grow, but according to my cardiologist, mine is still the size of about a 3-4 year old's. I'm not supposed to do anything to overly strenuous or lift anything too extremely heavy. But I also shouldn't be overweight and shouldn't smoke, but hey...ya know...

Oh, and I was just put on diabetic pills last year, because my bipolar pills finally pushed me over that "borderline" sugar level... yay me! lol

It's all good. I like being unique and different. I consider my whole life "outside the box"... (My dad lovingly calls me Abby Normal...lol) Plus, it helps me relate and understand a little of what others go through...