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Diva · 07-03-2010, 01:20 PM

Good afternoon, boys and girls....its way past time for another story from your Auntie Diva!!!

Yes...it's been a long time, but there haven't been any stories to tell....ok, none that were FIT to tell the children......

But alas, I have one today, boys and girls, for your Auntie Diva went to The Ikea....and mayhem ensued. Oh yes, it did, boys and girls.

Your cousin Tabitha and I decided to visit The Ikea (there's an acronym in there somewhere) for a little Retail Therapy, boys and girls. Can you say "Retail Therapy"? Yes! This is when you decide that life is getting you down and so you decide to go spend money that you probably shouldn't spend, ignoring the clear reality that, soon, that, too, will come back to bite your ass in a most unpleasant way.

But your Auntie Diva digresses.

Well....so the day before we were to go to The Ikea, your Auntie Diva was taking a shower (she does some of her best thinking there) and it occurred to her that she had double~booked!

OH NO! boys and girls, OH NO!

Yes, it's true.

Your Auntie Diva got a new dishwasher and it was to be delivered around the same time as your cousin Tabitha and your Auntie Diva were to have breakfast ~ to gird our loins ~ before the grand shopping expedition.

So your Auntie Diva picked up the phone and called your cousin Tabitha to inform her that perhaps we could go a little later ~ the dishwasher was to be delivered in the morning.

Well, Rudy called me the next morning to tell me that the delivery would probably be "a little later....noon". That was ok.....The Ikea closes at nine. More than enough time to do some damage....I mean, get some good therapy.

You see what is about to happen here, don't You boys and girls?

Yes....the morning passed slowly. No dishwasher. At 1:27, your Auntie Diva decided to have some conversation with Mr. Rudy and he then informed me that Martin would probably not be there until between 4 and 6.

Was your Auntie Diva happy to hear this news? Oh no, boys and girls, no she was not. This could only mean that more therapy would need to take place.

Your cousin Tabitha decided to come over and we waited for Martin. Wait, wait, wait, boys and girls. There was just so much scratching of Lucy's tummy we could do. Then.....our eyes lit up because we hear the sound of a big truck coming! It was like Santa!

It was 5:20-ish. They brought the dishwasher....it was lovely.....I shooed Martin out the door and your cousin Tabitha and your Auntie Diva made like a bat out of h-e-double hockey sticks for Therapy.

We made it to the Therapist's Office around 6....that still gave us 3 good hours, right?

We got inside and took a deep breath.....ah....the lovely scent of household merchandise......shop, Auntie Diva, SHOP!

We touched pretty much everything......the bath mats....the baskets....the candles....the magnetic spice racks and the coffee presses......but then, it was time to load up the serious stuff.....Auntie Diva was getting a book case.

There they were...all stacked up in the boxes....but could your Auntie Diva even budge that sucker? Oh hell no.

Just then, we saw a guy with his back to us in a bright yellow shirt. Your cousin Tabitha said, "Excuse me, could you help us?"

He stood up and turned around......

I do believe your cousin Tabitha and your Auntie Diva held hands and our collective drool ran from one corner of our lipsticked lips.....for there, boys and girls.....there facing us......even now, I'm holding my breath....facing us was one of the loveliest butches we had ever seen. We won't discuss the age of this gorgeous hunk of Universal creation, but suffice it to say the word "Cougar" MAY have crossed my mind.

So she came over to help us, and I'm pretty sure I decided I wanted 6 more of those bookcases....

It was a heavenly moment as we stalked ~ I mean followed her down the other aisle as she helped someone else.

Then, we checked out and decided we needed sustenance in the form of Cajun food. So your cousin Tabitha called cousin Charmer to meet us and off we went to the Razoo's across the driveway from The Ikea....in our weakened condition, we could not drive too far.

To be continued......

07-03-2010, 01:20 PM	#11
Diva Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Diva Preferred Pronoun?: Diva Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Chez Diva Posts: 11,879 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,263 Thanked 17,174 Times in 5,239 Posts Rep Power: 0	Good afternoon, boys and girls....its way past time for another story from your Auntie Diva!!! Yes...it's been a long time, but there haven't been any stories to tell....ok, none that were FIT to tell the children...... But alas, I have one today, boys and girls, for your Auntie Diva went to The Ikea....and mayhem ensued. Oh yes, it did, boys and girls. Your cousin Tabitha and I decided to visit The Ikea (there's an acronym in there somewhere) for a little Retail Therapy, boys and girls. Can you say "Retail Therapy"? Yes! This is when you decide that life is getting you down and so you decide to go spend money that you probably shouldn't spend, ignoring the clear reality that, soon, that, too, will come back to bite your ass in a most unpleasant way. But your Auntie Diva digresses. Well....so the day before we were to go to The Ikea, your Auntie Diva was taking a shower (she does some of her best thinking there) and it occurred to her that she had double~booked! OH NO! boys and girls, OH NO! Yes, it's true. Your Auntie Diva got a new dishwasher and it was to be delivered around the same time as your cousin Tabitha and your Auntie Diva were to have breakfast ~ to gird our loins ~ before the grand shopping expedition. So your Auntie Diva picked up the phone and called your cousin Tabitha to inform her that perhaps we could go a little later ~ the dishwasher was to be delivered in the morning. Well, Rudy called me the next morning to tell me that the delivery would probably be "a little later....noon". That was ok.....The Ikea closes at nine. More than enough time to do some damage....I mean, get some good therapy. You see what is about to happen here, don't You boys and girls? Yes....the morning passed slowly. No dishwasher. At 1:27, your Auntie Diva decided to have some conversation with Mr. Rudy and he then informed me that Martin would probably not be there until between 4 and 6. Was your Auntie Diva happy to hear this news? Oh no, boys and girls, no she was not. This could only mean that more therapy would need to take place. Your cousin Tabitha decided to come over and we waited for Martin. Wait, wait, wait, boys and girls. There was just so much scratching of Lucy's tummy we could do. Then.....our eyes lit up because we hear the sound of a big truck coming! It was like Santa! It was 5:20-ish. They brought the dishwasher....it was lovely.....I shooed Martin out the door and your cousin Tabitha and your Auntie Diva made like a bat out of h-e-double hockey sticks for Therapy. We made it to the Therapist's Office around 6....that still gave us 3 good hours, right? We got inside and took a deep breath.....ah....the lovely scent of household merchandise......shop, Auntie Diva, SHOP! We touched pretty much everything......the bath mats....the baskets....the candles....the magnetic spice racks and the coffee presses......but then, it was time to load up the serious stuff.....Auntie Diva was getting a book case. There they were...all stacked up in the boxes....but could your Auntie Diva even budge that sucker? Oh hell no. Just then, we saw a guy with his back to us in a bright yellow shirt. Your cousin Tabitha said, "Excuse me, could you help us?" He stood up and turned around...... I do believe your cousin Tabitha and your Auntie Diva held hands and our collective drool ran from one corner of our lipsticked lips.....for there, boys and girls.....there facing us......even now, I'm holding my breath....facing us was one of the loveliest butches we had ever seen. We won't discuss the age of this gorgeous hunk of Universal creation, but suffice it to say the word "Cougar" MAY have crossed my mind. So she came over to help us, and I'm pretty sure I decided I wanted 6 more of those bookcases.... It was a heavenly moment as we stalked ~ I mean followed her down the other aisle as she helped someone else. Then, we checked out and decided we needed sustenance in the form of Cajun food. So your cousin Tabitha called cousin Charmer to meet us and off we went to the Razoo's across the driveway from The Ikea....in our weakened condition, we could not drive too far. To be continued......