i am sorry to hear you are having a hard time but it sounds like you see a path out of it? i hope so. i am going through a similar process and i wish it wouldn't take so long! But i work every day on accepting that there is no shortcut.
sidebar: i participated extensively in Carmin's classic movie thread on one of the other sites before it died...i will look up the thread over here and see if i can jump in!
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Here is the link to Classic Movies:
http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...read.php?t=193