Butch Femme Planet - View Single Post - My Butch Left Me After 6 Years...Devistated

lyric · 07-09-2010, 09:03 PM

I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you. I can only imagine how painful it is.

I don't know how helpful this will be to hear, but sometimes we need to take a breath, step back, and realize that what might feel like the world crashing down around us is actually a blessing in disguise. It was a hard lesson learned for me. I was living with and supporting someone who was bringing strangers from personal ads into my home while I was at work, and carried on other relationships outside of ours, among other things. The discovery was devastating, and the refusal on this person's part to take any responsibility for their actions whatsoever was further heartbreaking (I was told that because I "snooped" to find information when I suspected something was going on, they felt they did not need to answer to me). I should have listened to family and friends and to my inner voice and kicked them to the curb. However, my self-esteem and self-confidence was so low that, I am ashamed to admit, I allowed this person to remain in my home and my life taking advantage of me for way too long after that... my own unfortunate mistake. I was an idiot.

My advice is, walk away and don't ever consider returning. Get yourself into therapy as apretty suggested and be prepared to do some in-depth exploration to determine if there may, indeed, have been warning signs that were overlooked, and if so, why. This could go a long way towards your healing process as well as providing you with tools for a more successful relationship with someone else down the road. Don't beat yourself up, though. Regardless, you can't be responsible for another's thoughtlessness and lack of integrity. In your saddest moments (and you will have them) call a friend who won't let you get soft and make excuses for your ex. Lean on your family and friends for support - work on nurturing those other relationships that are valuable to you. Let those in your life who love you take care of you if they offer. Spend time with yourself, taking care of you. Remember that sometimes there are no good answers for things, and you may never know the reason anyone does any particular thing. These are all of the things I wish I'd done. I spent way too much time stuck in place, asking questions, blaming myself, and making excuses for this person. I made things much harder than they needed to be. Don't make the same mistake I did. The good news is, I eventually met a wonderful, trustworthy, intelligent person to whom I am engaged, and I have never been happier nor have I ever been more cared for. You will, too... just keep the faith and work on loving yourself in the meantime.

07-09-2010, 09:03 PM	#5
lyric Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: quiet and content Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Springfield, VA Posts: 88 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 161 Thanked 303 Times in 56 Posts Rep Power: 3971634	I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you. I can only imagine how painful it is. I don't know how helpful this will be to hear, but sometimes we need to take a breath, step back, and realize that what might feel like the world crashing down around us is actually a blessing in disguise. It was a hard lesson learned for me. I was living with and supporting someone who was bringing strangers from personal ads into my home while I was at work, and carried on other relationships outside of ours, among other things. The discovery was devastating, and the refusal on this person's part to take any responsibility for their actions whatsoever was further heartbreaking (I was told that because I "snooped" to find information when I suspected something was going on, they felt they did not need to answer to me). I should have listened to family and friends and to my inner voice and kicked them to the curb. However, my self-esteem and self-confidence was so low that, I am ashamed to admit, I allowed this person to remain in my home and my life taking advantage of me for way too long after that... my own unfortunate mistake. I was an idiot. My advice is, walk away and don't ever consider returning. Get yourself into therapy as apretty suggested and be prepared to do some in-depth exploration to determine if there may, indeed, have been warning signs that were overlooked, and if so, why. This could go a long way towards your healing process as well as providing you with tools for a more successful relationship with someone else down the road. Don't beat yourself up, though. Regardless, you can't be responsible for another's thoughtlessness and lack of integrity. In your saddest moments (and you will have them) call a friend who won't let you get soft and make excuses for your ex. Lean on your family and friends for support - work on nurturing those other relationships that are valuable to you. Let those in your life who love you take care of you if they offer. Spend time with yourself, taking care of you. Remember that sometimes there are no good answers for things, and you may never know the reason anyone does any particular thing. These are all of the things I wish I'd done. I spent way too much time stuck in place, asking questions, blaming myself, and making excuses for this person. I made things much harder than they needed to be. Don't make the same mistake I did. The good news is, I eventually met a wonderful, trustworthy, intelligent person to whom I am engaged, and I have never been happier nor have I ever been more cared for. You will, too... just keep the faith and work on loving yourself in the meantime.