[Gemme]

I met a woman this morning who is preparing for a double lung transplant. I'd met her husband the evening before and felt comfortable enough to tease him a bit so I was joshing around with him after breakfast. I saw this very thin but seemingly well woman perusing the breakfast buffet. The only indication of her condition was the small oxygen tank and tubing she carried on her person. When I realized that she was his and he was hers, I stopped by the table and chatted them both up.

We discussed the details of her eventual surgery and how it feels to have to wait for someone else to die before you can get better and stronger, as well as the perceptions of others.

I don't have anything especially revealing to discuss about my conversation with them except that it was timely for this thread. I have, on occasion, given those with different abilities a little bit more leeway. That's not to say I coddle them or try to assert my "averageness" above them. But if I know that someone is in chronic pain the majority of the time, I'm going to filter myself differently around them if possible. I may not make as many sarcastic or snide comments as I usually do, for example.

It's the same for me as when I know one of my friends is especially cranky or feeling low and their filters are tweaked a bit differently than normal. I try to adapt to their situation if possible. Communication is a two-way street. I'm certainly no expert on it, but I try my best most of the time with mostly everyone, for I have filter-less days too.

Eh, speaking of communication...I'm not sure I'm getting across what I'd like to.

Take two!

I feel that as long as one attempts to help themself, then I am willing to take a deep breath whenever it's needed or to roll up my sleeves and help them out or whatever. If someone is going to wallow in their situation, even if it is especially horrible, I won't make that effort. At first, I'd give them time to come to grips with what life has dealt them, but if they continue months and months on end with the pity party, I'm not going to stick around and try to help them. I won't waste my time or theirs if they are not open to anything but 'poor them'. I don't have that kindness sensor in me. My tolerance level for those who don't do the work for themselves is minimal at best.

I have a coworker who used to be homeless with her daughter. They lived in their van until they both got a job at my workplace. After a while, they found a small place. I offered my assistance with taking my coworker to Seattle to get new glasses. Another coworker offered the same deal. Our coworker is pretty much legally blind and her not being able to read some of our documents affects her job performance. She has refused both of us. I gave her the info so she could go on her own time. She has not. She and her daughter were struggling with food, so I brought some boxes of food in for them for Christmas and gave them the info to our local food bank, which is absolutely amazing. They have not gone once. They choose to spend their money on other things.

Am I passing judgement on them? You bet your ass I am. I feel as if I've done more for them than they have for themselves and that frustrates me beyond belief. But if I were to see someone who is doing somiething for their own self, whether they are abled in different or similar ways is irrelevant to me, but if I see that, then I will give them a bit more of 'me' than I do those who passively sit back and expect the world to adjust to them.