[Soft*Silver]

I relate to what you said here. I know I can put on a mask too when I am feeling vulnerable, but I bet my mask is harsher than yours. Mine is a sullen, angry, snarling mask. I wasnt the caretaker. I was the scapegoat and so now when I am being blamed for things I didnt do or mean, I do what I did as a child, fight back for survival. My sister was the caretaker..and she wanted peace at any cost, so now she has ulcers. My brother was the Invisible Boy, always staying out of the way so he would never be the target. Problem was, it also meant he never felt loved or cared for. He committed suicide.

sometimes people dont realize what they are doing to others on this site. And nor should they. They arent therapists. But I love the saying someone had as their sig line..."be kind to everyone for they all deal with some kind of harship" (or something like that). I know I have been called on the carpet more than once for not giving people notice about some posts that were horrific to traumazied folks. I try to be much more sensitive about that now. After working in my field for so long, and after the aftermath of my brother's suicide, I have developed a rather calloused skin over things that would make most people gag. And, while I own I can be insensitive about this unknowingly, those who unknowingly trigger my PTSD should also know. But I usually dont tell it. Thats the mask> You have hurt me but I wont let you see the hurt because I firmly believe you will use it to hurt me more. I just wont allow that kind of vulnerability.

Good insight, ALH....


AtLastHome wrote:Thanks, this post gives me pause. And that is a good thing as I know I can get upset around certain issues and begin to feel vulnerable. That is when I can really put on a mask that I bet seems impenetrable. Having to be the therapist and care-taker for so long was a way to remain guarded even when doing work (therapy for myself) around all of this