[Gentle Tiger]

I have been thinking about June's question and of course I don't have a hard and fast answer. I have to say that I think offline it is harder for my sisters (MTF) because their physical transition is harder, especially if they choose not to take or cannot afford hormonal therapy and surgery. I get flack from fellow transmen when I say this but our sisters cannot hide their height, hands, etc. And I watch how they are treated both within and outside of the lbtq (and the rest of the letters yet to come) community. And it irritates me.

That is not to say that guys don't have their share of challenges. I just love it when I am referred to as male because they know that is my preference only to discover that they really still see me as she because I wasn't born male or because I made the decision not to have lower surgery or because my voice isn't as deep as other guys, etc. etc. And I love it when I get into conversations where (for those who choose to be real and honest) say that it's like we (FTMs) have betrayed women by "choosing to become men".

As for online, I think in a setting where the sign on the site or thread door is clearly marked I think it can be challenging for both MTF and FTM at times. We make a choice coming into a butch femme forum if that is not how we identify. And if we make that choice we have to put on our big boy and big girl pants and accept the fact that not everyone is going to want to play with us. To me that's when we simply find folks who enjoy playing with us or create our own sandbox to play in and press on!

But I do get annoyed when a thread opens that is for say femmes, and an MTF participates. And folks have issues because she participates because they see her responding not as their fellow sister who identifies as femme but as an other or as an intruder. I have seen and heard this. They don't understand why a person born male would transition (however they choose) to female "only to be with a woman". And rather than educate themselves, ask questions in the appropriate setting and respectfully, they make the decision she does not belong. And the responses are clearly express their feelings on the subject.

But I also get annoyed with my brothers who identify as male, and even straight male who insist on being in a say "For Women Only" space. If the sign clearly says "Girls only - No Boys/Men Allowed" then we need to respect their wishes and keep our happy selves out of their space. This site was not presented to me as woman only space. Therefore, I look around and find or create a sandbox to play in or tree to sit under. If it were a "whatever only" space and I am not that, you will not see me. Why? I respect the sign. So there are certain threads that I don't post in. If the thread is for hearing from Femmes on a subject, you won't see me posting. I am not a femme so my voice does not need to be heard there. I'm not going to rant about not being welcome. I will be a mature human being, remember it's not all about me and go post in the Questions thread or something. I know I'm welcome based on the description of the site. Anyone having problems with my being here can just go sit down somewhere and take a nap! Same with a thread calling for say those who are white to post. I am not white. So, guess what! I will not be posting. But if the thread is for anyone, I or my sister should be able to post without dealing with someone's ignorance.

But I go back to a point I made earlier. We know we're going to have to deal with ignorance because that is life! This site is no different. So you teach where you can, and you shake the dust off your feet and keep moving when they are not receptive or when you quite frankly just don't feel like being the teacher that day.

I think this a long enough essay for June. *smirk*