[imperfect_cupcake]

Lesbian took me a little while to come to. I vociferously refused to ID as lesbian (though dyke was ever so slightly less offensive) when I came out. Mainly because the vast majority of lesbians I knew were very much anti... me. The *dykes* I knew were more butch-butch leather in seattle; the *lesbians* I knew were... fairly narrow minded, not very well travelled, not exposed to much, didn't like the way I looked (politically and publicialy. they didn't mind trapping me in a dark corner at a party though) and didn't understand my particular tastes, sexually.

So I refused to identify with them if they refused to accept me.

Then I met all of the kick-ass lesbians when I started to travel as a queer - ones who had done all this serious work to be recognised as a lesbian. I met lesbians from all kinds of political/sexual "wars" between groups of feminists.

And I was asked "do you recognise that they are lesbian?" Yes. "do you recognise the work they did for that?" yes. "but you are willing to sit on your ass and sulk about not being accepted by people? do you do that with the rest of your life as well?"

No. I don't. So I reclaimed lesbian, for me. I didn't start at lesbian first. I was queer for a few years while I refused to be associated with "those" lesbians.

I learned I didn't have to be. I don't have to be associated with *ANYONE* just because they have the same sexuality (even if it's expressed differently), or back ground or whatever. People are not the same wherever you go. Lesbian is *NOT* the same where ever you go. Niether is butch or femme.

I learned that the short sighted with little wordly experienced lesbians I come out to were not what all lesbians everywhere were like. And to say they were would be bigoted and short sighted of me to not recognise that humans differ vastly.

When I got to Toronto, I met tons of lesbians who didn't give a shit that a presented very feminine. I found I could be friends with many non-butch, non-femme lesbians - unlike the idiots I had previously known. when I came to London... my world exploded. I walked into my first lesbian bar (Mineries. LMAO. far from classy but I love that place every once in a rare while) and no one asked me if I was straight or bi or a poodle. No one fuckin *cared*.

I walked into the bathroom and it was thronging with girls in feminine little hip dresses, toussled hair, re-applying masses of make up and clicking about in heels.

I remember thinking "oh thank fuck."

I have met the biggest diversity of lesbians ever imaginable in london. Some unimaginable. There are fewer rules and no one gives a shit. It's allowed me to pick exactly what I want to be, how I want to be.

Now I mainly hang in gender-queer clubs with a dyke backbone to it. That's really my favourite comfort zone.

I'm a queer dyke lesbian femme. Or just barb, most of the time.