[adorable]

Originally Posted by June

Hi, everyone --

We really need to get this thread back on topic and stop discussing personal issues that have already been moderated.

No one *has* to go to anyone for support regarding DA issues of any kind. You are all free to seek peer group support here in whatever way feels comfortable for you.

If you have additional questions or concerns about the process we have in place, please send them via PM directly to the site Admin.

As a reminder: This thread and other support threads are not intended, nor are they able to take the place of actual counseling or therapy, they are intended as peer discussions only and participating in them is purely voluntary. Because this is a public website on the internet, there can be no assurance that anyone or everyone will necessarily feel safe at any time.
Thanks,
--June (Moderator Voice)

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

I think it's pretty clear that it means different things to different people.

To ME what this thread is about is not changing the rules of the TOS for anyone. Differently abled or not. We all need to be responsible for our behavior.

What I am NOT talking about in terms of a mythical pass is empathy and compassion for our DA'd population here. I think that it's been said quite eloquently by the admins/mods that a lot of time/energy is given DA'd people who have issues that make it not a simple process to communicate.

Then there are the folks who passionately want the membership to ignore the inappropriateness/feelings of danger when dealing with a DA'd person who claims they "can't help it" or believes that their different ability excuses bad behavior.
I am one of them. I think that capacity matters. I have read this entire thread. I have yet to see how capacity doesn't factor in. I am reading you as saying that everyone can get it. I just don't see how that's true when people clearly cannot, even some people who claim to get it don't.

I think people in general will rise to the level of expectations. Why? Because you do? Because I do? "In general" is a broad brush, but it doesn't include those without the capacity to even realize that they are not meeting the expectations. If they believe they are clarifying and someone else calls that harassment - does the person claiming harassment automatically win their case? If people see a history of posts, pm's, email, facebook interactions and knows how a person communicates - is that disregarded because someone else has already figured out what's really going on? Or even four people think so? What is the magic number and how many posts, pm's or emails does it take to be qualified as not getting it?

I really believe that we can be excellent support for each other in a strive to make sure that involvement on this site is safe. For everyone.

But it's not safe. It's the internet. Which is why I assume June posted what she did above that I highlighted. As the old saying goes "If you don't want to be read, don't publish a book."

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

I think everyone has bad days. Frankly? Mine was yesterday. I was subsequently moderated.

Yet, you weren't called out on the carpet and demanded by a group of people and their friends to explain yourself. I've seen that happen. It happened to me at a time when I was struggling with significant brain swelling, powerful steriods and serious pain meds. I've even seen people start threads to do it! Sometimes it can feel like a popularity/witch hunt to me when it comes to who gets a pass or how it's doled out.

I don't think it's a pass for the admins/mods to take into consideration all factors involved. I see it pan out in a very fair and equitable manner across the board.

When it becomes a pass is when the behaviors are repeated over and over and no matter how many times the admin/mods take the time out to work with said person? they still keep on doing the same shit over and over.

I get this strange feeling that we are talking about a certain thing here that everyone isn't supposed to be talking about yet everyone does and then says they aren't which is rather Dr. Seussville like.

Threatened = Sexually inappropriate. Harassment. PM's that are clearly threatening.

If they were ignoring the person can the PMs still be received? If the PMs aren't received is it still harassment? If any person offends another person they always have the option of ignoring them. If someone is cute and the other person is actually interested it isn't read as threatening. How one might start dating? I have sent some pm's to people I liked and let them know, but I'm adorable so everyone is flattered. I don't know what it's like for other people who aren't adorable or not read as being as awesome as I consider myself to be. What if the person who is offended has a history of being offended/and or making all kinds of assumptions? Do they get a pass for being offended all the time? At what point does groupthink come into play if it does at all?

We as a membership should probably always take the opportunity to apologize behind the scenes and if possible? Work it out. I think we do a great job of that.

It's a nice thought but even that requires the ability to be sincere and not everyone has that. Some people are just hostile by nature or my personal favorite - passive aggressive. Some people can only work things out with people who agree with them and others have no desire communicate with people at all behind the scenes especially if the nastiness occurred in public.

I hope this post had some sense of meaning. My neurons are so not transmitting today.

Mine either!