[Puplove]

I agree that we should have the same responsibilities of a legally binding contract if we have the same rights, and public perception that someone fighting for gay marriage can turn around and say "never mind, that wasn't real" hurts us all. (That may not be the real situation with M.E., but it's a good thinking point.)

Even in a painful breakup, I believe that decent people won't manipulate loopholes and the non-legal situation to get out of doing what's right in divvying up possessions, child custody, etc. (although it can take time to get past the initial hurt and knee jerk anger to get to that point). Non-decent people will find a way to screw over the person they had promised to love and cherish, even if they have to pay more to do it legally.

I feel, straight or queer: if you don't want to fully commit and be willing to embrace ALL responsibilities, then don't call it a marriage (whether or not there's legal paper involved). Then, you leave yourself an out and can easily walk away when it's over.

Here is where I think the higher standard idea comes in:
The contrast between fighting to have queer relationships recognized as "just as real" as heterosexual marriages, then seeing couples walk away from each other when things get tough, because...well, there's no legally binding document requiring a negotiated contract dissolution. Straight people do it too - all the time. But, no one has to work to validate straight relationships, so they can crap all over their privileges without affecting an entire community.

It sucks, but it's there. As SF said, this is where it comes in that gays need to walk the walk.

Point to ponder: When straight people run into an old friend they haven't seen for a couple years and they catch up on mutual friends, it's rare that you hear them ask about married couples "Are John and Phyllis still together? Wow, that's great they are!!"

When queers run into old friends and they catch up, the standard questions are "Are Adam and Steve still together?" and it's a surprise when they are. How many times have you and your friends asked "are they still together" when catching up on long-term queer couple friends. Who even realizes the root of that question?

Many factors way too big to talk about (history, culture, bias, etc etc etc) have taught us to believe that long-term queer relationships are the exception, not the norm. Although more than 50% of straight marriages end in divorce, we - the "all of society" we - do not believe that long-term straight relationships are the exception.