[sylvie]

not sure if i fit into this thread but i feel like maybe i do..

this morning, i've decided i finally need to live by the saying in my signature..although i always want to, don't feel i ever do.

i suffer from very low self esteem, firstly.. it's always been a big battle of mine. over the years, i got myself into a rut, and found it hard to climb out.. although, i know i've taken a few steps out, i know i've still a long way to go.

i have an eating disorder, as well.. which is a constant battle of mine, though i feel ive taken some positive steps over the years ...(binge & purge), so i need to work on a healthier me, continue to lose some weight and feel good about myself, and not go back to that inner me that wants to abuse my system and hurt me so no one can see.

i think my main concern, is my having pushed people away through the years when i was in my rut (thats what i call it).. ive come out of my shell some, but i need to more.. i really miss a lot of my friends, i was just in such a bad place at the time.. i have reached out to some family i had pushed away. which felt amazing.. small steps, i guess..

these are all things i feel i need to work on.. i dont feel sad, im generally a happy person but, i do have a lot of sadness deep on the inside that i think kind of takes over at times.. ive never really dealt with issues in my past, i've been very much a suffer it on the insides kind of girl. and some things from my childhood and teen years are extremely painful, therefore i just don't talk about them.

anyway, in saying all this.. i very much seek peace within myself.. forgiveness for myself, and some forgiveness with others.. i want to build my esteem back up, i want to get myself to this positive, happy place and i know there's steps i need to move forward and get myself there..

so, starting now, i work on this.. ♥