[Nat]

Today I almost posted in the "Famous / Highly Visible Queers" thread about a celebrity who has not stated explicitly their orientation. Despite mounting evidence and despite my strong interest (okay as far as celebrity interest goes) in having this person *on the team,* I felt like it was not the ethical thing to do. But it brought me to the place of asking these questions of myself, and I thought maybe they'd be interesting in this forum as well.

1. Living in the closet

A. Do you feel there are ethical concerns with an individual's choice to live in or out of the closet? If so, what are they? Are there exceptions?

Yes, I do. I don't think it's as clear as right or wrong, but I do think there are ethical concerns. Some of these would be - care for the safety of oneself and others, honesty / authenticity, loyalty toward oneself and others, justice, discretion. I don't think all of these weigh the same for each person or each situation, and I think these concerns could weigh on either side of the decision. For me personally, I do feel that being out is more ethical behavior/decision than being in. But I do understand that my own perspective about my own life is not something I can extrapolate and apply to others - I haven't walked in anybody's shoes but my own.

B. Are there times when a person has a moral / ethical obligation to live in or out of the closet? If so, what times?

I will refrain from commenting on the more ordinary circumstances people find themselves in and will either comment on my own life or on some of the more extreme examples out there. When I left my husband (over 5 years ago now), I felt very much that it was wrong of me to marry him. I did tell him what I knew of my own orientation all along, but I didn't really understand myself so much back then. As bad as I felt about having unintentionally underemphasized my orientation, I would have felt far worse if I'd represented myself as totally straight to him when I knew I was not. So I guess I would say that people you are in serious romantic relationships with deserve to know your orientation - assuming it's safe to share with them. I feel a bit entitled to at least a cursory understanding of my partner's orientation.

I feel that people who live in countries where they could be put to death, imprisoned, etc, for being gay may have an ethical obligation toward self-preservation. This one is harder for me to really get a handle on, but I would hate to see anybody commit suicide by coming out.

I feel that people who persecute gay people have an obligation to come out once they figure out their orientation because it's the only way to help rectify the damage they have caused to others through their projections of self-hatred.

2. Outing others

A. Are there times when you think it's ethically okay to out a person? If so, when? Are there exceptions?

This one's hard for me. I am glad when people are outed - especially when the outed people are anti-gay. It's a relief to me of sorts. At the same time, I feel very strange about the straight guy who outed politicians in the move "Outrage."

I don't have issues with outing the dead. Maybe I should? I have definitely posted some people in the "famous / highly visible queers" thread who had never come out when alive, even if evidence from their lives, letters, interviews, writings seems to suggest they were queer. To me that feels more like reclaiming our gay history, but maybe it's not so great a thing to do? This is an area I haven't figured out yet.

B. How careful are you in avoiding accidentally outing a another person?

I really don't think about it much, but I am moving into a profession where I will need to be much more careful. Also, dating a person who has spent significant time in the military has given me an opportunity to understand the negative ramifications of inadvertently outing a person.

C. Do you feel there are ethical concerns involved with speculating with others about a person's orientation? If so, what are they?

I've really been pretty fast and loose with this, but I am beginning to understand how damaging that could be. Discretion has never been my best character trait, but the older I get the more necessary it feels that I learn how to have more of it.

D. Do you feel there are ethical concerns about a person asking others to keep her/hir/hym/him in the closet? If so, what are they?

Yes, I feel like there could be ethical concerns on both sides of that one.