[JustBeingMe]

Stressed is not even a word that describes the meaning of what I truly feel lately. Mom has to have another angiogram due to her heart not getting enough oxygen and failing her stress test. My mom has had so many damn surgeries already it's not even funny. She has P.A.D. and high cholesterol, she's been on meds since her first surgery 22 years ago, when she was my age, 47...my bday is this month, so same age as mom on her first surgery. My mom died during her first open heart triple bypass, of which they had to revert to only doing a double, then the following year doing the other bypass surgery. She has plastic aorta in her stomach to both legs, and just had surgery in Dec for the 5th time to save her left leg, she now has plastic artery in that too. She has had both carotid arteries done, her right leg has had 2 surgeries already, and her right brachial artery has been done as well. I just worry that this may be the surgery that takes my mom from me. She's all I have and I love her with all my heart. My stepfather died Jan. 13th, and it just makes it even harder emotionally. I'm going through so much since Feb, that it's just taking it's toll on me. Hopefully if mom has to have her surgery, I can be here with her. I have to attend to personal matters I wish not to discuss, on Sept, 21st and I don't know how long it will take me to be able to get back here and be here for my mom. Man, I just wish I could get a break, just once. I wish my mom wasn't in the condition she is in, but it's hereditary, and I have the same problems,....luckily I haven't had to have any surgeries yet, Thank The Lord. I want to move back to Austin, but I am torn because of my mom and her condition. I know I can't fix it, but I wonder if I should just remain here so I am here for her always. I miss my friends badly, and have no support system here really. No queer friends here that I know of, this town is so small you could call it Hee Haw Land.
UGH, I feel heartburn coming on.