i copied this passage (with permission from the poster...thank you!!) from another thread:
>We seem to talk a lot about respecting others but have no problem giving out verbal lashings when people dont think like we do, respond in the way we expect, have the same issues with something as we do, or express outrage in the form we expect. Is that respectful? Is that honoring diversity?<
i have often been dumbfounded about this myself. i've seen such amazing support and encouragement from this community and it makes me feel great when i see it happening.
But i've also seen the same posters attack and belittle someone for expressing personal opinions & thoughts that they don't agree with.
i understand feeling strongly about issues that are important to you....i have no problem standing up for myself or my issues and think it's always a good thing to be able to do. What i don't understand is why some of us are so incredibly rude and mean when we let someone know we don't agree with them.
i'm not suggesting i would rather see everyone play kiss-ass or asking people to ignore it when someone says something they don't agree with. i just don't understand why it has to turn viscious and ugly.
What's wrong with saying, "i think you are wrong, and here's why..." instead of calling someone awful names and/or talking down to them? Why do we ask for respect and common courtesies when we don't give the same?
We love it when we see someone honor our diversity and individuality, but we wont hesitate to jump all over someone for disagreeing or stating their own opinions & thoughts if they happen to not be what we think they should be. Honestly, i would love it if everyone thought the same as i did about issues that are close to my heart, and ones that i think should be important to us all. But i know that it doesn't work that way.
Even if someone has an opinion/thought/ideology that i think is ignorant/crazy/hateful ....for example, let's say someone hates chocolate. Now i happen to know that loving chocolate is the one true *right* way to live, and not only should everyone love chocolate and partake daily, but they should also stand up against the haters. But i'm not going to belittle the dissenters because they'll just shut down and get angry, hurt and/or be rude back at me. It's much more productive to extend courtesy and calmness while i'm telling them just how wrong they are. If they continue to be a hater, then i have to understand that they don't have the same priorities as i do, and let it go.
When someone makes a comment i don't agree with, i would much rather engage them in civil conversation than go on the attack. For me, when i feel attacked, i'm not gonna be open to hearing why someone thinks i am wrong...i am gonna shut down and end the conversation or get into an arguement that leads to nothing. And i've never bought into the argument that they were mean to me so i'm gonna be even meaner to them. Well, i used to be that way, but then i grew up.
i know i'm sensitive. i always have been, i always will be. i also understand not everyone has the same communication "skills". But i do know that we are all adults here and that we are all capable of being civil.
Having a heated debate can be done while maintaining maturity and dignity.
Peace!
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