[Jess]

Wow, I started this discussion just before turning in for the night and wake up to see a great conversation happening! Thanks everyone, for getting my intention!

Atomic, I def hear your point and as a couple of folks have already mentioned, there are ways to find your answers to a statement made without derailing or disrespecting the safe space another sub-group has created. Sending a respectful PM to the person who made the statement is not only a good way to get a direct answer without making that person feel "put on the spot" for something that could easily be a poor choice of words, but it could also result in making a new ally. There is that hope!

In my personal experience, I have entered a space or two that weren't for "my" identification ( yet that was not stated) and made comments I felt innocuous and/or supportive and came to find out later that I should have probably never gone there. Had the thread clearly stated, this thread is for _________, I would have remained a silent observer.

I have watched some threads for specific subgroups grapple with issues stemming from other subgroups ( as you, Atomic are speaking concern with), and have watched them "police" themselves perfectly well. I think when allowed to, most folks will eventually do the "right thing", even though the process my be difficult. They end up teaching and "hearing" one another better regarding the "tough issues", as they are coming from more similar space to have those discussions.

Here is an example and I hope no one will take this in any way other than it is intended, an "example".

A thread in the Femme Zone, brought up the topic of male- centric or masculine- centric behavior to discuss. My thought... if they are trying to discuss how it impacts their lives, they are not going to feel safe doing so if male or masculine identified persons start coming in and commenting.

While the group ( or set of characteristics ) may hit home with me, it is not MY place to insert my comments there. I can instead A) write members who posted comments I wish to have clarified , B) start a discussion within MY group about how we may or may not be perceived C) start a discussion in an "open" space ( such as gender/ community) to discuss how we as a larger community view the issue or D) deal with it on my own.

My point in opening up this discussion is to help ( hopefully) further the important discussions by reminding folks it really is "OK" to ask or demand your private spaces. I don't think we need to fear the "he man womans hater club" . The little rascals have grown up, and more often than not totally amaze me in their ability to work through situations that are "tough" with care, concern and openness .

Thanks again for everyone who took the time to read and/or think about this.

Jess