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Zora77 · 09-20-2010, 08:19 PM

Since I have ‘transitioned’ from a lesbian to a queer femme I have dated butches who fall on the more masculine side of the spectrum. Currently I am dating someone who did identify as butch when we met and recently started to openly acknowledge that he is transgendered, and feels like a male.

Although I don’t have a problem with this and try to be supportive, I have to acknowledge that this change affects me too as his partner. Some of the things I struggle with are: remembering to refer to him as ‘he’ (which is harder than it sounds because until recently ‘he’ referred to himself as ‘she’); dealing with raised eyebrows from friends when I refer to my ‘boyfriend’ (which from their perspective definitely requires an explanation) and deal with their lack of understanding; wondering what this means for my own identity (does that make me straight?), etc.

At this point he choses not to take T but since he does not pass and is struggling with this issue, I feel that the last word is not spoken on hormones. I don’t want to worry about problems that are that have not occurred and may never occur – but I still wonder about how the use of hormones affects the relationship (I have heard that T impacts a person’s demeanor, mood and could change in parts someone’s personality). On the flipside of that – if he sticks with his decision not to take T, I wonder how his struggle of always being perceived differently than he feels inside will affect him and our relationship.

I have been reading some the discussions by FTMs and transfolks on this site and am hugely grateful for being able to learn from the different perspectives (and would love to learn more from you!). In addition I think it would be great to hear from partners of FTMs, transgendered, transmasulin, etc. identified individuals about challenges to the relationship and how they were overcome. I’d appreciate everything you are willing to share. Thank you in advance!

P.S. Just to be clear - I do not only anticipate challenges and problems! In the big picture the concerns I expressed above are only a small piece of how I feel when I think of us.

09-20-2010, 08:19 PM	#1
Zora77 Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Join Date: May 2010 Location: San Francisco Posts: 58 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 72 Thanked 121 Times in 37 Posts Rep Power: 175635	Dating a Trans Person (FTM) Since I have ‘transitioned’ from a lesbian to a queer femme I have dated butches who fall on the more masculine side of the spectrum. Currently I am dating someone who did identify as butch when we met and recently started to openly acknowledge that he is transgendered, and feels like a male. Although I don’t have a problem with this and try to be supportive, I have to acknowledge that this change affects me too as his partner. Some of the things I struggle with are: remembering to refer to him as ‘he’ (which is harder than it sounds because until recently ‘he’ referred to himself as ‘she’); dealing with raised eyebrows from friends when I refer to my ‘boyfriend’ (which from their perspective definitely requires an explanation) and deal with their lack of understanding; wondering what this means for my own identity (does that make me straight?), etc. At this point he choses not to take T but since he does not pass and is struggling with this issue, I feel that the last word is not spoken on hormones. I don’t want to worry about problems that are that have not occurred and may never occur – but I still wonder about how the use of hormones affects the relationship (I have heard that T impacts a person’s demeanor, mood and could change in parts someone’s personality). On the flipside of that – if he sticks with his decision not to take T, I wonder how his struggle of always being perceived differently than he feels inside will affect him and our relationship. I have been reading some the discussions by FTMs and transfolks on this site and am hugely grateful for being able to learn from the different perspectives (and would love to learn more from you!). In addition I think it would be great to hear from partners of FTMs, transgendered, transmasulin, etc. identified individuals about challenges to the relationship and how they were overcome. I’d appreciate everything you are willing to share. Thank you in advance! P.S. Just to be clear - I do not only anticipate challenges and problems! In the big picture the concerns I expressed above are only a small piece of how I feel when I think of us.