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SFFemmePrincess · 09-20-2010, 10:55 PM

Hey Zora!

I have been with Logic for about a year and a half now. We met on another site like this one and I knew he was trans from the get go. But when we met, he wasn't yet out to his family, co-workers, or really anyone outside of his online social networks and it was my first relationship with a TransGuy. I had a lot of the same fears, concerns, questions that you have.

As far as the pronouns go, you'll get there. I think it's especially hard if he was previously going by female pronouns and now wants to switch to male. It's completely reasonable for him to request that you do it, but it's also reasonable for you to slip sometimes and he has to understand that. It took a couple months for me to stop slipping, but now its very rare, and usually only happens if I am in a conversation with his family because they are still using female pronouns and its hard for my brain to concentrate on both the conversation and keeping the pronouns correct.

As far as your friends and family are concerned, its difficult, especially because they are used to you being a lesbian and dating female identified people. It might feel like it requires an explanation, but it only requires explanation if you desire to give an explanation. It's your relationship and as long as you are happy then that's all that matters. And yeah, sometimes it's difficult to deal with their lack of understanding, or lack of knowledge masquerading as lack of understanding. But you take it one step at a time, one conversation at a time and understand that for some people, thinking outside the gender binary is hard and takes time. As long as they aren't making you feel uncomfortable or being mean, just do your best to absorb the knowledge to be able to educate the people in your life that you care about.

And as far as your identity goes, every person considers and comes to their identity differently. But thats the beautiful thing about it. Your identity is YOURS and you can do with it what you will. For me, my identity has nothing to do with my partners identity. I went down a long road and finally came out the other side identifying as a Transensual Femme Lesbian. I like it and feel that it accurately describes me. I personally do not feel that having a boyfriend makes me straight. I think it does help though that Logic also does not identify as a straight male, and has no desire to have me be a straight girl to his straight guy. He is currently pre-T, pre-op, but even after he will always be queer. There are some guys who go through transition, identify as a straight male, leave their past in the past, and date straight girls. This type of relationship would not work for me because my queerness and queer community is too important to me.

Wow, ok that was kind of a lot, so I'll leave it at that for now. But there is a thread for SOFFA's, so feel free to pop in over there too! Clicky Clicky

Also, feel free to PM me anytime and maybe we can meet up for coffee sometime since we are in the same city!

09-20-2010, 10:55 PM	#5
SFFemmePrincess Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Lesbian Princess Preferred Pronoun?: Female Pronouns Relationship Status: Single but also non negotiably non monogamous Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Bay Area Gal! Posts: 142 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 47 Thanked 270 Times in 77 Posts Rep Power: 687706	Hey Zora! I have been with Logic for about a year and a half now. We met on another site like this one and I knew he was trans from the get go. But when we met, he wasn't yet out to his family, co-workers, or really anyone outside of his online social networks and it was my first relationship with a TransGuy. I had a lot of the same fears, concerns, questions that you have. As far as the pronouns go, you'll get there. I think it's especially hard if he was previously going by female pronouns and now wants to switch to male. It's completely reasonable for him to request that you do it, but it's also reasonable for you to slip sometimes and he has to understand that. It took a couple months for me to stop slipping, but now its very rare, and usually only happens if I am in a conversation with his family because they are still using female pronouns and its hard for my brain to concentrate on both the conversation and keeping the pronouns correct. As far as your friends and family are concerned, its difficult, especially because they are used to you being a lesbian and dating female identified people. It might feel like it requires an explanation, but it only requires explanation if you desire to give an explanation. It's your relationship and as long as you are happy then that's all that matters. And yeah, sometimes it's difficult to deal with their lack of understanding, or lack of knowledge masquerading as lack of understanding. But you take it one step at a time, one conversation at a time and understand that for some people, thinking outside the gender binary is hard and takes time. As long as they aren't making you feel uncomfortable or being mean, just do your best to absorb the knowledge to be able to educate the people in your life that you care about. And as far as your identity goes, every person considers and comes to their identity differently. But thats the beautiful thing about it. Your identity is YOURS and you can do with it what you will. For me, my identity has nothing to do with my partners identity. I went down a long road and finally came out the other side identifying as a Transensual Femme Lesbian. I like it and feel that it accurately describes me. I personally do not feel that having a boyfriend makes me straight. I think it does help though that Logic also does not identify as a straight male, and has no desire to have me be a straight girl to his straight guy. He is currently pre-T, pre-op, but even after he will always be queer. There are some guys who go through transition, identify as a straight male, leave their past in the past, and date straight girls. This type of relationship would not work for me because my queerness and queer community is too important to me. Wow, ok that was kind of a lot, so I'll leave it at that for now. But there is a thread for SOFFA's, so feel free to pop in over there too! Clicky Clicky Also, feel free to PM me anytime and maybe we can meet up for coffee sometime since we are in the same city!