[Soft*Silver]

I want to address Ryobi's question. I forgive. Just not carte blanche. Some things are not meant to be forgiven. If you read my post you will see I talk about me not expecting others to always forgive me. I have very few unforgivables. One burns in me with lava anger..a resentment and it is toxic to my sobriety if I dont work on it. Resentments are NEVER good. This is an example of anger being mixed with unforigiveness. I am dealing with it on a daily level. I hope maybe one day of it not being lava like at least.

I have one other person I have forgiven for many things but one thing I will not forgive her for. I know why she did what she did. I know it was bad judgement on her part and she really wasnt schooled to be any more than this action. I know she couldnt give what she herself was never given. Had she even said she was sorry I could forgive. But that never came. I know she couldnt because she couldnt see or if she could, hoped I couldnt see, how wrong her behavior was. I speak of my mother. Of all the things wrong she did (and she did many many things right) she did one thing that remains the most hurtful of all things ever done to me. I will not forgive her. But I dont hate her. In my unforgiveness I hold her close to my own heart and weep that she could not have been a happier person or have been loved better herself so she could have known how wrong this was. I dont hold it against it. It does not seperate who we are to one another. but the action was deadly to my soul and to forgive her of her deed, would be to betray me to myself. I will not do that either. But I will not stop loving her. In fact, I love her more because of it. Can you understand?

I have recently contacted most of my exes in preparation to do my ammends. Well, actually I have begun some. All of them were glad to hear from me. We let the past lay on the ground like autumn leaves. We move closer to death than to life in our age brackets and we have come to realize forgiveness is a blessing and a gift. None of us want to go to our grave hating the other. Or resenting. Or having ill feelings. What matters is we are happy NOW. And what we found in each other that caused us to love each other, can now once again be shared but in a simpler, less intense, and less familiar way.

when I close my eyes for the final time, I want my grandchildren to remember me with love and light, not hurt and pain. Its how I remember my mother that way. Certainly my father too. I hope to get to a place where forgiveness isnt what necessary but acceptance is. It was what it was. I want to close my eyes and know the life I led was a good one, if not a perfect one. And what would make it good would be the lessons I learned and passed onto those whom I loved.

Originally Posted by Ryobi

I have no judgment whether someone forgives or not. I wonder though, for the folks who don't forgive, (or can't forgive) do you expect forgiveness from others? Does it matter to you if you are forgiven or not?