[Arwen]

Originally Posted by Ms Cyn

I want to talk about the femme experience. I want to talk about what it means to other femmes.

[snip]
I'm not the donna reed, suzi homemaker, dress up doll that I see in my head.. I'm not some sweet submissive... I'm not a woman who's world revolves around her partner..But that's what is in my head... That is what I've allowed to be planted there.. If I am not that.. then I couldn't be femme, I'm not *enough* That is what I am trying to reprogram..

I get so wrapped up in the unwrapping
That I sometimes forget the box
If I am a gift to myself--femme
What is under the ribbons, the bows--
The carefully chosen wrapping--
Each piece of me someone else's
Or are all the parts of those--me whole?

I couldn't write that out in regular sentences and I apologize. It's how I communicate sometimes.

I think....maybe...for me...that the different "roles" I've chosen ARE my femme experience. And that is not going to be yours or yours or yours or any of yours....same reality.

Femme, for me, is this woman who dresses to please herself. Who feels her body is her own in thigh highs and diving shirts. In blue jeans and t-shirts that are stained and dirty.

Femme, for me, is this woman who expresses things held to be "girly" with delight and no damned apologies.

Femme, for me, is this woman who can create pictures from words and write about romance and sex unabashedly and unashamedly.

My femme is not your femme and never will be. My femme may like to sit on the couch and ask for a foot rub. My femme may like to give foot rubs. My femme IS defined in some part by my attraction to butches.

I can not get around that or away from it. I'd still be femme if there were no butches, but that's kind of a silly, grandiose statement in my view.

I, after reading so much here, am beginning to feel frayed and frazzled as if my femme is not enough or maybe too much in the eyes of other femmes. And I know that's not true. I'm just speaking my own truth here and now.

So I think that for this femme--my femme experience is the total sum of all my labels and roles and expressions and lovers and femme friends. I don't think I can effectively unravel this present I am to myself without losing some of the pieces.

I do love that others can do this. I am learning so much in this thread. Thank you to everyone who has posted here.