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Diva · 12-13-2009, 10:05 PM

And so, boys and girls....the saga of Auntie Diva and The Christmas Lights Tour continues......

It was a dark and stormy night......wait. Sorry. That's another thread..... I think my pillbox hat is too tight.

So......your cousins OilCan, PupSchmoopieSchmoop and I depart the Johnson City Trailer Park Light Festival and back into the fog on to Marble Falls. Drive, boys and girls, drive! The fog was so amazingly thick, I was thankful I didn't have to drive, boys and girls, yet I was able to scoot to the center of the back seat to lend my support, of course. There may be some (including your cousin OilCan) who MAY call that backseat driving. Of course, I would never do that.

I noticed throughout our journey that it was sometimes difficult to find our way to our destination....some might have blamed the fog, boys and girls. But your Auntie Diva blamed it on the night. It was just plain hard to see. Of course, then there is the dilemma of seeing the holiday lights in the daytime. So there ya go.

We managed to get ourselves to The Marble Falls and again, we were like 3 lost lambs (ewe know? ) trying to find those lights. This particular light festival was a walking tour. We moseyed around and found their historic downtown area......but there was no one walking around....and their downtown lights were.....well, yes, boys and girls....they were sweet and all.....but we drove all this way to see THIS? I'm pretty sure our collective pillboxes were askew!

We KNEW this couldn't be right! But that cousin OilCan, urged on by your cousin PupSchmoopieSchmoop (some might call that backseat driving from the front seat, but I call it navigation), kept driving......drive cousin OilCan, drive!

WAIT! We saw a line of cars!!!! Are You on the edge of your seats, boys and girls!?!?! YES!!!!!!!! We found them! We turned a corner and BOOM! There they were!!! Up that......HILL.

And we parked, of course, at said BOTTOM. Yes, boys and girls, your Auntie Diva said 'bottom'.

We got out and started up the hill.....your Auntie Diva wishing the Christmas Lights On The Hill SHUTTLE...but there was none. One thing we found disconcerting, boys and girls.......we were in the minority going up that hill (aside from the fact that the 3 of us were as queer as a trio of $3 bills, of course), as we were going UP said hill, but everyone ELSE was coming DOWN said hill.

We paused to query, "Was it closing?" Oh HELL to the naw, boys and girls! Your Auntie Diva was prepared to raise all KINDS of holy hell to the baby Jeebus in the manger if that thing was CLOSED after trekking her ass up that damned hill!!! Forgive your Auntie Diva's potty mouth, boys and girls. I blame the tight pillbox hat for her lapse in judgement.

Let me re~center...

Ok. Now where was I?

Oh.....yes......walking up that damned hill. So we kept climbing......and lo and behold, boys and girls, there was an actual PARKING LOT at the top of that hill! It was a HALF~EMPTY PARKING LOT, boys and girls!!! Your cousin OilCan did not pick up on the MULTIPLE hints that we would wait for him right there if he wanted to go get the car and park up THERE. Of course, walking DOWN the hill WOULD be easier.....unless your Auntie Diva fell and started to snowball......THAT would not be pretty, but by God, that pillbox was NOT gonna leave my head, boys and girls!

But I digress.

THIS Holiday Lights extravaganza was MUCH better, boys and girls! And I looked and looked but there was no lit~up mobile home......they do things just a bit differently in your Marble Falls!

There were all manner of festiveness, boys and girls......we travelled through a "light tunnel" of blue and white lights.....we saw another Santa on a stagecoach.....and Santa on a covered wagon....and Santa on a jetski....followed closely by Rudolph on skis.......then we had the elves putting presents on the sleigh! THAT was exciting! There were angels all lit up and all manner of trees in various colors and heights and light genres ~ we had your LEDS, your TRADITIONAL twinkles and your rope lights (yes, your Auntie Diva said "rope")......your Auntie Diva was MESMERIZED at the various and sundry light creations! Who sits around and thinks UP all this stuff? Those crazy, mad~cap MarbleFALLS people, THAT'S who!

Did I mention that they allowed the screaming children into this thing? Are there no RULES?

OH! And WE saw The Marble Falls Santa!!! At first, we thought HE was all lit up, too, but no. He was sober. I had absolutely NO idea that they speak with a heavy Texas twang at the North Pole, TOO! But it's TRUE!

AND, there was a cute little trailer which had some VERY yummy, powdery hot cocoa. Thank you, cousin OilCan!

Now, you might think to yourselves, boys and girls, "SURELY, Auntie Diva, SURELY this must be the END of your exquisite journey to The Marble Falls Festival of Light Land!" But NO! We were but half~way through this electrical extravaganza!!!!

Be still my heart!!! No......your Auntie Diva was having palpitations as the path way slanted a bit and it was messing with your Auntie Diva's vertigo. (And yet, the pillbox maintained!)

There were MORE light tunnels......more baby Jeebuses......more VoltageVirginMariesonaDonkeh......it was just almost more excitement than 3 city folk could stand, boys and girls, but we struggled on!

Then we came to The Big Tree, which was a mini Zilker Park Tree, but it was a tree under which we could spin! Your Auntie Diva managed one spin, then had to hang onto the pole ~ which brought up memories of her younger days. But that's another story for when you're older, boys and girls.

And then.....what's that off in the distance????? Could it BE???? Why YES, boys and girls....this WAS special!! It WAS your equal~opportunity festival of PC electrification! Off in the distance......sitting proudly between the water~skiing Santa and the caught~in~the~shower~with~his~antlers~down Rudolph was....YES! It was the token, golden Menorrah, boys and girls.

Our tour was complete. I mean.....just how can one group of people out~do themselves after THAT? It just cannot be done, boys and girls.

And so, with our collective misty eyes, we bid adieu to The Marbel Falls Festival of The Electrified Baby Jeebus.

And you may THINK that would have been enough. But NO,boys and girls! Your cousin PupSchmoopieSchmoop teased me with reports of the Holiday Lights in THEIR neighborhood. How could your Auntie Diva say no? She could not.

And the saga continues..........

Signed,
Auntie Diva, who managed not to dislodge the pillbox hat by rolling down the hill.....
(Dammit, Linus! Why is there no pillbox smilie?!?!?!?!?!)

12-13-2009, 10:05 PM	#47
Diva Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Diva Preferred Pronoun?: Diva Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Chez Diva Posts: 11,879 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,263 Thanked 17,179 Times in 5,238 Posts Rep Power: 0	And so, boys and girls....the saga of Auntie Diva and The Christmas Lights Tour continues...... It was a dark and stormy night......wait. Sorry. That's another thread..... I think my pillbox hat is too tight. So......your cousins OilCan, PupSchmoopieSchmoop and I depart the Johnson City Trailer Park Light Festival and back into the fog on to Marble Falls. Drive, boys and girls, drive! The fog was so amazingly thick, I was thankful I didn't have to drive, boys and girls, yet I was able to scoot to the center of the back seat to lend my support, of course. There may be some (including your cousin OilCan) who MAY call that backseat driving. Of course, I would never do that. I noticed throughout our journey that it was sometimes difficult to find our way to our destination....some might have blamed the fog, boys and girls. But your Auntie Diva blamed it on the night. It was just plain hard to see. Of course, then there is the dilemma of seeing the holiday lights in the daytime. So there ya go. We managed to get ourselves to The Marble Falls and again, we were like 3 lost lambs (ewe know? ) trying to find those lights. This particular light festival was a walking tour. We moseyed around and found their historic downtown area......but there was no one walking around....and their downtown lights were.....well, yes, boys and girls....they were sweet and all.....but we drove all this way to see THIS? I'm pretty sure our collective pillboxes were askew! We KNEW this couldn't be right! But that cousin OilCan, urged on by your cousin PupSchmoopieSchmoop (some might call that backseat driving from the front seat, but I call it navigation), kept driving......drive cousin OilCan, drive! WAIT! We saw a line of cars!!!! Are You on the edge of your seats, boys and girls!?!?! YES!!!!!!!! We found them! We turned a corner and BOOM! There they were!!! Up that......HILL. And we parked, of course, at said BOTTOM. Yes, boys and girls, your Auntie Diva said 'bottom'. We got out and started up the hill.....your Auntie Diva wishing the Christmas Lights On The Hill SHUTTLE...but there was none. One thing we found disconcerting, boys and girls.......we were in the minority going up that hill (aside from the fact that the 3 of us were as queer as a trio of $3 bills, of course), as we were going UP said hill, but everyone ELSE was coming DOWN said hill. We paused to query, "Was it closing?" Oh HELL to the naw, boys and girls! Your Auntie Diva was prepared to raise all KINDS of holy hell to the baby Jeebus in the manger if that thing was CLOSED after trekking her ass up that damned hill!!! Forgive your Auntie Diva's potty mouth, boys and girls. I blame the tight pillbox hat for her lapse in judgement. Let me re~center... Ok. Now where was I? Oh.....yes......walking up that damned hill. So we kept climbing......and lo and behold, boys and girls, there was an actual PARKING LOT at the top of that hill! It was a HALF~EMPTY PARKING LOT, boys and girls!!! Your cousin OilCan did not pick up on the MULTIPLE hints that we would wait for him right there if he wanted to go get the car and park up THERE. Of course, walking DOWN the hill WOULD be easier.....unless your Auntie Diva fell and started to snowball......THAT would not be pretty, but by God, that pillbox was NOT gonna leave my head, boys and girls! But I digress. THIS Holiday Lights extravaganza was MUCH better, boys and girls! And I looked and looked but there was no lit~up mobile home......they do things just a bit differently in your Marble Falls! There were all manner of festiveness, boys and girls......we travelled through a "light tunnel" of blue and white lights.....we saw another Santa on a stagecoach.....and Santa on a covered wagon....and Santa on a jetski....followed closely by Rudolph on skis.......then we had the elves putting presents on the sleigh! THAT was exciting! There were angels all lit up and all manner of trees in various colors and heights and light genres ~ we had your LEDS, your TRADITIONAL twinkles and your rope lights (yes, your Auntie Diva said "rope")......your Auntie Diva was MESMERIZED at the various and sundry light creations! Who sits around and thinks UP all this stuff? Those crazy, mad~cap MarbleFALLS people, THAT'S who! Did I mention that they allowed the screaming children into this thing? Are there no RULES? OH! And WE saw The Marble Falls Santa!!! At first, we thought HE was all lit up, too, but no. He was sober. I had absolutely NO idea that they speak with a heavy Texas twang at the North Pole, TOO! But it's TRUE! AND, there was a cute little trailer which had some VERY yummy, powdery hot cocoa. Thank you, cousin OilCan! Now, you might think to yourselves, boys and girls, "SURELY, Auntie Diva, SURELY this must be the END of your exquisite journey to The Marble Falls Festival of Light Land!" But NO! We were but half~way through this electrical extravaganza!!!! Be still my heart!!! No......your Auntie Diva was having palpitations as the path way slanted a bit and it was messing with your Auntie Diva's vertigo. (And yet, the pillbox maintained!) There were MORE light tunnels......more baby Jeebuses......more VoltageVirginMariesonaDonkeh......it was just almost more excitement than 3 city folk could stand, boys and girls, but we struggled on! Then we came to The Big Tree, which was a mini Zilker Park Tree, but it was a tree under which we could spin! Your Auntie Diva managed one spin, then had to hang onto the pole ~ which brought up memories of her younger days. But that's another story for when you're older, boys and girls. And then.....what's that off in the distance????? Could it BE???? Why YES, boys and girls....this WAS special!! It WAS your equal~opportunity festival of PC electrification! Off in the distance......sitting proudly between the water~skiing Santa and the caught~in~the~shower~with~his~antlers~down Rudolph was....YES! It was the token, golden Menorrah, boys and girls. Our tour was complete. I mean.....just how can one group of people out~do themselves after THAT? It just cannot be done, boys and girls. And so, with our collective misty eyes, we bid adieu to The Marbel Falls Festival of The Electrified Baby Jeebus. And you may THINK that would have been enough. But NO,boys and girls! Your cousin PupSchmoopieSchmoop teased me with reports of the Holiday Lights in THEIR neighborhood. How could your Auntie Diva say no? She could not. And the saga continues.......... Signed, Auntie Diva, who managed not to dislodge the pillbox hat by rolling down the hill..... (Dammit, Linus! Why is there no pillbox smilie?!?!?!?!?!)