In this discussion of "high femme," or any other type of femme, it's fascinating to consider the question: to what degree does the inner person match the outer person? Does it matter? For me, yes it does. I have found that my own happiness and sense of grounding has much to do with the extent to which what you (and I) see and perceive of me is consistent with who I believe myself to be.
One of the lessons I learned through my divorce and the whole coming out process is that I need to listen to my own voice, and consult with myself first when it comes to important matters. My own intuition is the best guide, when I remember to pay attention.
So, when it comes to the question of what style or way of being best suits me, I go with my gut. I'm not girly, but I am womanly. I'm short, but I stand tall--not on very high heels, though. I dress in a feminine way, but not frilly or really girly. Etc. All of this isn't a contrived identity in order to attract particular someones. It's just as close to expressing myself through my appearance as I can get.
Aside from the occasional "you're too pretty to be a lesbian" comments (which I don't mind so much...I like to be called pretty
), there is very little confusion these days about who I am. No one is surprised when I say I'm a lesbian. I have this idea that it's because I get more and more consistent, with my "inner and outer" lives. The keys to this being self-awareness and self-trust. Not that I have this all down, by any means. It's a process.