[Rockinonahigh]

Man dose this hit a sore spot big time.I wish I had just been raised on an orpanage not knowing a thing about my family conections..ever,yes it would have been so much easyer to deal with.My grandparents were always my grannie and popa,they were the rock I had in my life till they passed.My aunt who I always thought of as my mom,really wasnt,talk about slap in the face when a 6yro finds out that the mom u thought u had wasnt at all.Mom was always distant with me,worked a lot..even when she was home.Over the years i took lots of bs about my bio parents abandoning me...he left then she handed me off to my aunt then hit the road just like the old man did.Both remarried adopted other peoples kids,raised them very well indeed,never a good word or thought about the kid they threw out.My bio mother,was the family wild child,daddio was a hot shot ladys man who loved then and left them.After a time they finaly hooked up with someone settled down with family and a life.I herd from so many aunts,uncles,cousins and ppl in general about how I was a wothless missbegotten child who would turn out like them cause it is preordained in me,how could I ever be any less.When my grand parents passed I was 10 when pops went and 16 when grannie passed.I had already become quite a rebel.then all hell broke loose after grannie went...if I wasnt bad ass enough befor I shure made up for it then.If anyone had ever cared to find out how the meanness of ppl can hurt a child,I would be a poster kid for the issue.The sence of being abandoned,unloved,put up with cause what else can u do with something u just have to deal with but dont remotely care about.They tryed to beat it out of me,ignore me.send me off to a catholic bordeing school to get rid of the prob...If I was pissed before u have no idea how pissed I really became.They didnt break me.what they did was give me a life of distrust feeling of not being able to trust what ppl say to me.To shorten the story I will say this...I servived...lots of tharapy...knowing my son loves me no mater what...my fur kids keep me grounded...finaly all the ppl involved in this mess (except me) passed away.Recently I got rid of the toxic ppl in my life(talk about feeling great) and I am moveing on in rebuilding my life one step at the time.
Rockin