Quote:
Originally Posted by adorable
So I realized (since I was home sick and had the chance to watch Maury and the Steve Wilkos show..) that my 18 year old is a spoiled brat.
Now she is a spoiled pregnant brat.
Not good.
I wanted desperately to give her a better life then the one I had. What I did was didn't give her chores or much responsibility. I made sure she had everything she needed to be popular in school because I grew up poor with nothing. I knew how awful it was to have to wear the same clothes all the time and not have anything that other kids had. I spent $600 on her PRE-SCHOOL wardrobe. Yeah. Imagine the amount I spent on her high school wardrobe. I never hit her and was very conscious of how I spoke to her. I was worried about her self esteem....
If my mother (who I haven't spoken to in 10 years) walked into this room right now and raised her hand I would hide under the desk. For fun, I raised my hand once to my oldest when she was 6, lol, no reaction.........
We got into an argument a few months ago because I was driving her everywhere and she has a car, unregistered sitting in the driveway. The just of the argument for me was "You need to start handling your business!"
I didn't feel that she should be taking me for granted, that she should get her license, register her car and grow up a little.
Her response to that??? She moved out and in with her boyfriends parents (they had been together for a month), she got pregnant, quit her job and has yet to get her license.
As I was watching the Steve Wilco's show, there was a 17 year old that wanted to have a baby. She kept saying that her parents "owed" her a car, clothes, money, basically - whatever she wanted. She wanted a baby for no reason other then she could have one and no one could do anything about it. During the segment they gave her one of those "trial" babies and she threw it on the floor during the night because it wouldn't stop crying.
My daughter has that attitude. Everyone: me, you, the world...OWES her, apparently for being born.
I'm sure that what has been done can't be undone. I can't believe that I'm in this position now. I worked so hard to NOT be here now. There is a baby coming. She has NO patience and until she got pregnant, hated kids......I can see this going horribly wrong.
Just reading her FB posts makes me sad. She is far too immature and young to be having a baby. I feel guilty and wish I could go back and redo. Obviously I can't.
Any suggestions for dealing with NOW? Anyone spoiled their kids way more then they should have? My kid, having a kid (I had her when I was 17 btw) scares me to death! I was so much more mature at 17 then she is now. I can't imagine how this will go. Who would've thought that by doing the right thing I would be here now? She has at least graduated from high school but was supposed to start college in Jan.
Any thoughts or suggestions?
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Adorable you have my deepest sympathies, my eldest daughter is going through somewhat of what yours is. I had always been what I thought a fairly tough mom, my girls would always be saying things like "but my friends mom lets them do ___ " and fill in the blank with all sorts of things I would not allow. I set rules, taught manners and expected them to polite.
Much like you I grew up poor so I knew the pain of not fitting in due to not having what others did. In doing so I think I indulged them too much so even though there were rules and expectations of behavior they were spoiled in other ways. I made sure they always had what they needed and sacrificed so much so that they would not go without anything.
Unfortunately I also have had the joy of dealing with their father who only wished to be their buddy. Even though he would most often not show up or call when he was supposed to and sometimes not see them for weeks or months at a time in their eyes he could do no wrong. The gifts, money, vacations and big houses with all the toys seemed to solidify the notion to them that he was the greatest.
My 17 year old moved to his house this august, two weeks before she moved there she was saying to me that she didn't want to spend time with him and that he was being a jerk. That changed when she decided she wanted to go to school in his district because that is where her best friend was going. She up and dropped the bomb moments before she went out the door, she wanted to move there because I wouldn't allow her to change schools. She threw away a baccalaureate program that she was in, it would have given her the first year of college by the time she graduated high school and a huge advantage when applying to university. Now she is taking regular classes, none honors, which she had been doing for the past 4 years, given up her music and decided not to pursue the career plans that she was working towards.
As upsetting and frustrating as that has all been she has also decided that she is no longer speaking to me. She won't return my calls, e-mails or texts and is telling her sister that she is very angry with me because I told her that her father is now going to have to fully support her.
We hoped against hope that somehow she would grow and become more responsible, find her feet so to speak. Instead her father is completely enabling her. He either drives her or pays for a taxi cab so that she can get back and forth to school (a ten minute walk) everything is handed to her on a silver platter, including money and she has no responsibilities or rules to follow. To say I am sadden and frustrated is an understatement, much like you there is nothing I can do to make the situation better. I have let her know through messages that I will always be here when she is ready to talk and that I love her but there are times when I just want to cry.