[tuffboi29]

I was having a decent few weeks. Eating and sleeping habits had started to develop a rather sound schedule.

It seems though every time things settle there is always a new way to set off an old trigger.

I think tonight has been the worst yet since starting therapy.

I had a horrible attack that almost had me convinced that I should go commit myself.

Nights where the sweating and millions of racing thoughts keeping my heart steadily pounding and my body shaking are the worst for me I think. The most horrible imaginings always seems more possible in these moments. And my inability to grasp and take hold of these racing thoughts leave me weak to their scathing attacks on my character, self-esteem, and confidence.

The "fake it 'til you make it" motto just isn't working for me anymore. It gets almost impossible to cover up sweat beading down your temples when you're in an air conditioned room....

*shrugs* I don't know...It's just one of those nights...

I hope everyone gets some sleep.