Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJo
Hi rav,
I think (my opinion only) that what's flirting to one isn't necessarily flirting to another.
At the same time, if you're getting this feedback a lot, then you might want to consider how you're coming across. I don't think adding a disclaimer on everything you say is needed, or even helpful.
For example....if several (or many) people tell me that I am coming across as angry, or negative, or bitchy, or *pick the adjective of your choice*, then me saying "I'm not being negative or..." on everything I say isn't going to convince anyone either.
If I'm getting that feedback (especially from people who actually like me), then I probably should sit with that and consider it for awhile. I may or may not change my behavior...because that's up to me, not anyone else. If I choose not to, then I may need to be prepared for the repercussions however.
Just my .02  |
Good points Jo. i was thinking, while posting, about something i learned a while back, about how sometimes someone says one thing and it's taken to mean something completely different by the person hearing it. Neither is "wrong", just different.
i was picked on by a friend many many months back about my flirting style, and it caught me off-guard because i hadn't been flirting! She said, basically, ohhhh helllll yeah you have been too! So i asked the specific person if they considered our interactions as flirting, and she said yes but only in a friendly way....she knew i wasn't coming on to her or anything like that.
That's what got me thinking and talking about it all. i think i don't really get the boundaries (or something...not sure of the right wording). i mean, ok...if they have a gf.....i would never do or say anything to anyone that i was being friendly with behind the gf's back that i wouldn't say in front of the gf. i guess that's one reason i don't consider it flirting.
A friend helped me understand it once, and though i can't remember the exact wording (i *knew* i shoulda made notes!!) i figured out that i consider it flirting only if there are "i'm hitting on you" undertones to the bantering. Just laughing and talking...that's people being friendly....to me, anyway.
But back to the point.... it's true....doesn't matter my intentions or lack thereof....what matters is how it is taken. And i am indeed paying attention to the message and sitting with it.
i don't know if i *can* change the way i am....i'm just friendly! But, i can curtail my interactions if i know it's making other(s) uncomfortable, for sure.
