Quote:
Originally Posted by ravfem
Good points Jo. i was thinking, while posting, about something i learned a while back, about how sometimes someone says one thing and it's taken to mean something completely different by the person hearing it. Neither is "wrong", just different.
i was picked on by a friend many many months back about my flirting style, and it caught me off-guard because i hadn't been flirting! She said, basically, ohhhh helllll yeah you have been too! So i asked the specific person if they considered our interactions as flirting, and she said yes but only in a friendly way....she knew i wasn't coming on to her or anything like that.
That's what got me thinking and talking about it all. i think i don't really get the boundaries (or something...not sure of the right wording). i mean, ok...if they have a gf.....i would never do or say anything to anyone that i was being friendly with behind the gf's back that i wouldn't say in front of the gf. i guess that's one reason i don't consider it flirting.
A friend helped me understand it once, and though i can't remember the exact wording (i *knew* i shoulda made notes!!) i figured out that i consider it flirting only if there are "i'm hitting on you" undertones to the bantering. Just laughing and talking...that's people being friendly....to me, anyway.
But back to the point.... it's true....doesn't matter my intentions or lack thereof....what matters is how it is taken. And i am indeed paying attention to the message and sitting with it.
i don't know if i *can* change the way i am....i'm just friendly! But, i can curtail my interactions if i know it's making other(s) uncomfortable, for sure.
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I hear ya' ...and that's where things get tricky. We all have different measures about what's flirting, what's friendly, etc. I think that's why it's important for everyone to take responsibility for their own feelings. If someone is doing something that makes me uncomfortable, then it's on me to speak up before it becomes a problem.
For me, I try to reverse it. I ask myself...if Scoote was saying or doing this (whether it's in front of me or not), would I feel like it was innocent and okay? If not, then I won't do it or say it.
It isn't that she controls my behavior (she'll be the first to tell you I'm completely uncontrollable
)...it's just one way that I can look at what I'm doing through a different lens.
My kitchen is calling, so I better get back in there.
Hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving!
(and
....just becauase!)