[Rook]

I think I've known all my Life, however, I did not know what it was called per se until I turned 13 and some kid called me "fuckin' Queer".
I've been a "tomboy" since I was practically 3 years old..
There wasn't a Tree I couldn't climb, and yes, I even climbed walls indoors...
I had a nifty trick to climbing up where there were Doors, it always freaked my parents.
My fave bikes were BMX, toys? Tonka, He-man, Hot Wheels..
I despised Dresses/Skirts..
I constantly was in fistfights in the playground for whatever reason, either the playground bully was tiresome for me, or some kids didnt let me play cuz I was "just a stupid girl"..
I did gloat, often, when I was welcome to play House, and I had the role of Daddy, always.
At first, it was wonderful cuz I could make believe I had the Best mo'fo car in the 'hood...
Later on, it was because I could kiss the popular beautiful girl with honey-brown eyes...French kissies were her fave -efg-
Not quite mine, yet{I wasn't fond of drool...still aint }...
One night, my brother and I were "peeping" at a house where the lady didn't bother playing modest..
We climbed on the basketball's post, while we were being evil little shits, my brother said "Why are you peeking? You're a girl, she's a girl..."
My response was "I dunno, I just like girls..Alot, they're very pretty, besides, I could ask u the same thing, Why are you peeking?"
My cousin, however, was drop-dead gorgeous {still is}, she took it all to a whole new level of sensuality, and yes I know it should be gross, but then she wasn't "blood"..
I believe we were 14..
She's still in the closet, but man was she ever jealous..
Throughout the years, every time I brought a new "friend" to the Family Gatherings, if looks could kill, both my girl and I would've been Dust...
By 16 I "discovered" the word Lesbian, thanks k.d.lang.
By the time I was 17, I was introduced to the word "stone butch", thanks leslie feinberg...
In high School, I met a girl, that , I swear, Everything around me just, disappeared and there was only Her..
I don't say I heard birds chirping and music, because that's cliche...
We were together everywhere, she'd sit right behind me, just to comb and braid my hair{I had very long hair, in the closet}, that alone had everyone whispering.
In the Mosque, as well, another girl had me crushing intensely..
School fights were more "serious" at this point, but then I was doing rather well in Shotokan...
By the time I "came out" to family and friends, some said "I knew it !!!", some said "I had my suspicions", others condemned me to hell...
My mother felt hurt for awhile, after all I did hide things from her..
I was scared shitless when I came out to her, I had recently met with, and had a bad case of infatuation, a friend of my brothers who was also Butch..Hy was kicked out of hys house, hy shacked up with friends and random girlfriends..
My brother assumed it was a phase, that I hadn't met "the man of your dreams"..
I cut my hair, a Fade, and yeah you could knock both my mother and girlfriend over with a feather.
Not in a good way...
My hair took me at least 1 hour to fix, fuck that...
I gave it all to "locks of love"{I have/had a few relatives with Cancer}..
I think that was the only consolation for 'em...
Every time Officials ask me "single, Married, Divorced, widow?", I often wanna say "Divorced" but then, I was never married legally...
I did try once, and it didn't quite work..
"divorced"
"date of divorce?"
"umm...."

so, yeah, that's the short version of it all...