It's been some time since I've been in. Hope you're all well. When I first began posting in here I thought I had been tackling my memories and trauma piece by piece, a little at a time. That isn't the case anymore. For the first time in 18 years, I'm seeing/reliving the ordeal as a whole. It has accounted for a complete change in my person, caused losses and affected every aspect of my life. And there's severe injury. I have questions about enduring more, healing if any, and who or what I'll become. I'm on meds, but I can tell you I don't have much of an interest in things and because there's so much shock in my system, that's been repressed for so long, I have that constant feeling of buckling or collapsing. The past couple of months have been spent releasing shock as easily as I can. I wish us all well.
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