[T D]

Originally Posted by la_la

I don't really want to be on this thread and I certainly do not really want to be writing but this is exactly what I am doing and I am not sure why. Not even sure what I am going to say and how much of it will make sense.
I was with my ex for 12 yrs. I was very young (19) and very ignorant of life and the world around me.
My ex was mentally ill. I am told by some therapists that the abuse I suffered daily was because of the mental illness. Other therapist disagree with this.
My long internal struggle to accept the abusive and cruel behavior cost me me.
I convinced myself that I was the caretaker at whatever sacrifice it took because I made a vow through sickness and health. Mental health is a sickness. Abuse was part of that behavior. And so it went on for a decade until it was so bad that my partner was permanently institutionalized in a mental hospital over a decade ago. And me? Well after a very good attempt at suicide I have not been in a relationship for more than a decade.
I have gotten better in trusting and letting people in thanks to therapy and volunteering at CAMH (Centre for Addiction and Mental Health). So much so I made the decision to start dating this past summer.
I feel stronger and healthier in all aspects of my life but I have not come to terms with the choices I made to care for my partner.

Peace,
'iz

As a therapist once said to me, "you did what you could with what you had to work with at the time." End of story. Don't judge yourself, just accept that it was what it was at the time. Today is a different time.

Wishing you the best on your new dating experiences