Quote:
Originally Posted by Kobi
At breakfast today, a group of us over 50 were discussing
the type of person
we are dating and why.
The results surprised me:
1. The type of person one dates when dating for fun
is almost diametrically different from the type one would date
when looking to mate.
Fun daters are looking for excitement,
exploration, differences, and variety.
Maters are looking for
commonalities, stability, centeredness, and monogamy.
2. Within our group, most were looking for fun rather than a mate.
Fun was equated with freedom. Mating was equated with responsibility.
So, I'm wondering what other peoples experience/preferences might be.
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In a nutshell, at this point in my life, I am happy to be with a mate with whom I enjoy lots of excitement and fun. I don't feel that I lack freedom, since I am with someone who gives me lots of space to be. Even if I were single, I'd still value responsibility and centeredness. As long as I'm happy, I stay. And, as long as I stay, I am monogamous.
I was previously married (for 20 years) to someone who fit the "mate" description. We were horrible together, and not just because I turn out to be a lesbian.
Maybe the mistake was idealizing the notion of "mate" and trivializing the idea that commitment is best when enjoyed.