[Lynn]

It sounds like you are doing everything right. Establishing great communication and mutual respect is the foundation of a a positive parenting relationship.

It's always helpful to have positive role models and to keep up with the latest trends. But, I don't think you can teach her to be a womyn any more than you could be taught to be who you are, and how you express yourself, gender-wise. She has innate qualities that you can honor and nurture, but you won't make her who she is. At the same time, you will shape her values and teach her about what's important in life. That doesn't have to do with her femaleness or femininity, it has to do with who she is and who you are, as persons. Stuff like nails and hair are probably the easy things compared to things like how to treat others and how to be true to yourself.

If you tell her, "Shoes don't make the woman," you are imparting a value that isn't about shoes or women, it's about what's important in life. If you set some boundaries about what she can wear at the age of 8, you are teaching her some things about appropriate behavior. When she's 18, maybe she'll take those teachings into consideration! My daughter was given some outfits at that age that I called her "Peg Bundy" outfits. She could only wear them in the house. I don't think I clipped her wings by setting some limits. At 23, she is a creative, expressive, interesting person who wears what she wants.

Wishing you all the best!