[Ms. Meander]

New Woman Blues

Inside my white armor I am covered with hair and lice.
I haven’t bathed for so long I no longer stink
but give off the odor of perfumed catacombs.
When I open my mouth to say I love you
spiders run over my lower lip and down into my beard.
There is a mouse tail hanging out of the corner of my mouth.
I want our first moments alone to be messy.
I want you to feel all the terror of me you will ever feel, now.
If you take me as I am I will never disappoint you.
I wake at night and cut my dreams into paste-ups;
the snack snack snack of the scissors will test you.
I am violent and unpredictable.
I eat snake heads.
I have invited my beast to come live in my skin,
look out through my eyes.
I deny nothing.
I have no secrets.
I will give you more truth than you ever wanted.
I fuck like the last day on earth.
When your parents come to visit
I will lead them into the room which is always in darkness
and there under the black light
show them my collection of missionaries
from all over the world.

When I say I love you
great greased cogs begin to turn
down below the sewers.
With me you have always more than you wanted.
Your leprosy is nothing to me.
Your psychotic episodes,
your collection of Filipino war knives,
nothing; your vibrating bras
ringed with Italian Christmas lights,
nothing compared to the vise-grip I’ll put on your heart.
Your legs will shake so badly waiting for me to come home
you’ll scarcely notice they get worse when I’m there.
I drink a glass of blood every morning.
The Jehovah’s Witnesses will not knock on my door.
Now I’ve told you everything.
No surprises down the road, no disappointments.
I’m sorry I’ve done all the talking.
That’s the hardest thing of all you’ll have to bear.

– Doug Anderson