[Kenna]

For several days now....
what happened a year ago during this week and next is heavily on my mind...weighing on my thoughts and causing a struggle to deal with feelings and grief. Those two weeks made my head spin. Because life has gone by so fast this past year, I haven't had a chance or the appropriate setting to process feelings.

My dad's very sudden, painful passing and being reunited with a long-lost brother and his family...*shakes my head* too much to think about, but can't let go. Hurting inside from the loss and hurting from not being able to spend time bonding as a family with my nieces and brother due to living too far from them. Knowing they are all going through a very serious struggle and hardship, but I can't be there for them. Knowing I can not, because of my own limitations and restrictions, go to them at this time. Knowing my nieces need me, ask for me, but all I can do is send them virtual hugs. Knowing both my brother and I did not have a chance to address our dad and get closure on some very hurtful things. No closure, no chance for closure.

Not processing grief in an appropriate manner can really catch up with you eventually. And it becomes compounded.

I wish life would stand still long enough for me to catch up. The anniversary marked by this week and next just may take its toll.