[Bit]

{{{{{{{{{{{Julie}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I'm glad you were okay during the earthquake. My apologies for taking so long to answer you--I kept timing out when I tried to sign in, and finally decided just to wait until after the server migration was complete.

Originally Posted by julieisafemme

Well Bit I can't go into the particulars as the rules of the workshops were what was shared was private.

That isn't what I asked, hon. I only asked if they gave concrete examples, you know, "this and such happened to me last month" or whatever. I don't have any need to know WHAT happened to them, only to know IF something concrete happened.

Originally Posted by julieisafemme

I am not quite clear on why you are invested in negating what was shared by these trans men and women?

I have no interest in negating anyone, honey. I was asking you for information. I was asking you if your experience listening to them talk about fetishizing matched mine or not... because my personal experience is that only one Transman had any concrete example of being fetishized, and all the rest of them who threw the accusation at me said that what was fetishizing was merely that I was attracted to them at all. They said it was fetishizing for me to be attracted to a Transman because I am not a straight woman.

In other words, it was not their personal experiences of being fetishized that were driving the accusation--and I never heard these particular Transmen give any concrete examples of being fetishized--it was their belief that "only a straight woman can properly love a Transman" that led them to say "all Transensual Femmes are therefore fetishists."

This bothers the hell out of me and it hurts like hell too, so that's why I asked you: is this your experience also, or is your experience different? Did the Transmen you listened to give concrete examples of being fetishized by Transensual Femmes, or were they talking about a belief that only a straight woman could love them properly without fetishizing them?

Originally Posted by julieisafemme

This thread is for transensual femmes as well as SOFFAs. I am a SOFFA. A transensual butch could be a SOFFA. I think the discussion should be for all who love and support gender variant people.

Of course you are, honey; all of us who are either partners or supporters can call ourselves SOFFAs. *kinda puzzled; you already knew that, right?* I'm not sure why you feel left out of this thread, why you need to say out loud that you belong here. This thread was started for everyone who is an ally of some kind or a partner of anyone who is Transsexual.

I repeat to you, there is no need for you to take on a label that you don't feel comfortable with. Other people don't have the right to pigeonhole you for easy identification by slapping the Transensual Femme label on you. You choose what makes you comfortable, what fits right for you.

Not only are there Transensual Butches--I noticed you mentioned that in another post--but I am married to one. I would NEVER in a million years say that Gryph "fetishizes" any of his past partners, whether they were Butches, Transmen, or Transwomen. I will say that he sees who a person is and who a person can be, and offers his support for their journey.

In that, I think he is no different from the majority of us who partner with Transpeople. I think that is something the majority of us all can do, and are doing, no matter what our labels might be. You might choose a different way to describe yourself than I do, or than he does, but in the end we are more alike than different, and what matters is who and how we love, rather than what people call us.