[Gráinne]

This is also a deep subject for me.

It has taken a long time, but I believe that if I'd done everything "right", or according to what I was "supposed" to do, I would not be the strong woman I am now, and would not have met the people I've met or had the experiences I've had. Even with its challenges and uncertainty, I feel a hell of a lot happier and alive than some of my friends with the white picket fences and 2.5 kids. I like my scrappiness and quick thinking, all born out of hard times.

I don't regret marrying my husband, because without him I would not have my beautiful children. He was, and is, a good man and a good father. I only wish I had not hurt him. I hope that anyone whom I have hurt through my actions and decisions has long forgiven me.

Do I regret dropping out of college the first time I went? I did, for a long time. Now I realize I was there not for myself but to please my father, and that would never work. I was miserable in my field. It was only after much work on myself that I went back to a school I loved and got into a field that thumps with my very life force. Later still, I got into teaching-in China, of all places. All of that would not have happened if I'd done things "right".

Gradually, I learned not to regret decisions I've made. I tell myself that I made the best choice I had, given the information I had then. For instance, when I was growing up, being gay was simply not an option in that place and time. It's really hard to combat that feeling when it's either a sickness of the soul or a mental illness (that was what we were taught). Who could blame me for feeling I "had" to marry? It simply was not open and more accepted as it is now.

I try not to think in terms of "mistakes". I think life is all one big lesson, and if you don't take risks, you don't drink champagne.