[clay]

Originally Posted by Anya/Georgia

This is my second day on this site & am glad I found it. I have been single for way too long but it was where I have been at & I accept that. I am in my late 50's & find it so hard to start over but this is a first step, right? I was in a 19 year relationship. I was faithful but she was not- several times. I finally ended it and asked her to move out. I think I was so wounded by her that I have really needed to heal on my own for the last 5 years. I am healed but still unsure how to date again since I am no longer in my 20's.
I am an RN with a bachelors degree. I have two grown daughters who are both married with children. I am a gamer (go ahead- laugh! Just read in Time that average age if gamer is now 37); I read a lot both "good" literature & zombie books (no idea why I dig them); garden-roses; just got a personal trainer; lost a lot of weight that I put on during those 18 years and I am starting over! Why did I join? I just saw a news item about a widow/widower in their 90's & thought: "Hell yes! Time to get my ass in gear"!

Morning Anya:
Kudos to you, your battle for healing yourself, and for stepping out! I apologize for the behavior of your ex.....it just makes me so hurt....how people treat one another!
I was in a very loving, very nurturing, wonderful relationship for 15 years...and have no baggage, so to speak! What I DO carry is a warm, loving, caring heart filled with many beautiful memories.....and love from an incredible woman!!! She was taken from me March 2009 with Stage IV Breast Cancer with mets to liver/lung/bone/kidney/pelvis/skull/and brain! She was a very intelligent RN, Charge Nurse of a major trauma ER for almost 24 years....Baccalaureate degree in pre med chem/bio with a nursing degree, in National Honor Society of Nurses, as well as MENSA! To me...she was my world...my life...my heartbeat. We did everything together...never an angry word was spoken, we committed and honored that..for 15 awesome years. The day she passed I thought I would die right along with her...but I survived..and while we fought the Cancer for 26 months...we lived life to the fullest...a train trip to Boston then over to PTown, couple trips to the western NC mountains to gem mine, and 2 surprise b'day parties. The rest of that time...we were living life....spending quality time...talking....refusing to let C dominate our lives! Her spirit was incredible..being positive to her last breath....at home,in my arms as she wished! I have taken the last two and a half years to heal....carve a niche for myself in life as one again. You are absolutely correct. It is very different in today's dating world..as opposed to when we were in our 20's. I am an OFOS (old fashioned, old school) kind of Butch...who believes in getting to know, dating, and a courtship. I want to enjoy those butterflies of each new date...anticipation of that first kiss to be very special and significant. As one lady wrote so eloquently here...I wish to meet "someone genuine who is genuinely interested in me" (credits to Dixielady). I want to open doors for her, pull out her chair, walk her to her door,bringing her a small boquet of flowers...."just because" maybe get a kiss on the cheek...spend quality time getting to look into her eyes and her soul, discovering all those million tiny things that make her HER....savoring the time spent....going slowly. So, so many wonderful, small, yet really huge steps in that dating/courtship phase....each to be savored, relished, and enjoyed. Taking the time to know each other....falling into like...and love to progress over time...anyway I could write a book here. I have had a very enduring, very loving, positive, healthy relationship..and 15 years wasn;t near long enough...but I am happy to have had that..she is always going to be a huge part of me, who I am, and my heart! I have her memories. One day a wonderful lady will sweep me off my feet...and I am in no rush. I know love is patient...love is kind...and when we open our hearts, let go, and enjoy this world, love has an amazing way of finding us...til then I am enjoying my single days...smelling the fresh air, watching a sunset, skipping in the rain, and loving myself....she is out there in this universe...I BELIEVE. I have known a wonderful love and I will again...may each of you get to experience this kind of incredible love as well!
Take care, my new friend....and if you ever would like to talk..PM me....enjoy a sunrise today...and know that surely goodness and wholeome loving women do exist.....bright sunshine in your world today..Clay