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girl_dee · 07-01-2011, 06:16 AM

I do wonder if in for example, my post that we speak only from our personal history/ experiences. My knee jerk reaction was to advise her to run.

I was the new girl with someone that could not let go. I knew this person was upset about their previous relationship but not until things were well on their way did I realize how much. There is one thing with having fond memories or even unfond memories, but when it drives a person, when it's all they think about and are disconnected from the new person it is a huge problem. It does not feel good nor is it productive to be with someone who is totally fixated on the past. What's more is that some people don't show how fixated they are on the past until it's safe and the new person is settled in to this new relationship. I would have been content being with this person and helping them along their journey without investing so much into it, had I known.

I agree that therapy could work some magic here, but only if the person recognizes that this could be a problem and that they really want to do the work.

It's not really about wanting or not wanting a new relationship it's about their journey and how they want to proceed.

07-01-2011, 06:16 AM	#10
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,847 Times in 13,915 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	I do wonder if in for example, my post that we speak only from our personal history/ experiences. My knee jerk reaction was to advise her to run. I was the new girl with someone that could not let go. I knew this person was upset about their previous relationship but not until things were well on their way did I realize how much. There is one thing with having fond memories or even unfond memories, but when it drives a person, when it's all they think about and are disconnected from the new person it is a huge problem. It does not feel good nor is it productive to be with someone who is totally fixated on the past. What's more is that some people don't show how fixated they are on the past until it's safe and the new person is settled in to this new relationship. I would have been content being with this person and helping them along their journey without investing so much into it, had I known. I agree that therapy could work some magic here, but only if the person recognizes that this could be a problem and that they really want to do the work. It's not really about wanting or not wanting a new relationship it's about their journey and how they want to proceed.