[nycfem]

Oh, the lies, where to start?

In my younger days, when my mom first saw the tattoo on my upper arm of a battle ax and gasped, I yelled out, "It's a temporary tattoo! It comes off!" It gave her some adjustment time, so that after a few months went by, she looked at it and said with a smirk, "That temporary tattoo sure is staying around for quite awhile."

In high school, my gay brother and I, along with a few misfit friends, set out to vandalize a giant pro-life billboard in Ohio. We all dressed in black (so smart of us) and set off with a big plastic gun filled with paint. The problem was that when we got to the actual billboard we realized it was reallllyyyy high up, something we hadn't quite picked up on while driving by it. We ended up having to settle for the one athletic member of our group throwing the gun up at the billboard and were more than lucky that a small speckle of black paint showed up on the white background. On our way home, we were stopped by a policeman, who asked us what we were up to. Since most of us had dabs of black paint on us from trying to deal with the gun, I said, "We were working on the set for our school play." At 4am. On the highway. The officer didn't even bother to respond to that and simply asked for our names so that if he heard about any misdeeds in the morning, he'd know who to approach. That was when some of us should have lied but we didn't. Luckily nothing terrible seemed to have occurred, so we were off the hook, and ever so proud when we drove by that billboard and saw the barely noticeable dot of black paint.

I lied by omission when a butch friend talked to me over the phone about how his most recent ex was "dark sided" because she didn't believe in God and how he wanted to meet a nice girl like me. I should have spoken up but I didn't so quickly want to have to defend myself as to being nice and dark-sided. Heh, heh.